The kindness of strangers....

On Sunday the pastor taught on grace, using the story of Mephibosheth from the bible. It is a story where David, who is king, grants a place at his table to the grandson of the man who tried to kill him. It showed how this king who had all the power, granted kindness to someone when he did not need to. As I sat there I thought about grace. I know about the grace of God and how he has saved me, but what amazes me even more is the grace that He pours out on me that allows me to be kind to people. It gives me the ability to love those who are unloveable, or better yet to love people I am unloveable. To see that kindness is a better action than anything else I can do. I had to go to the grocery store on Sunday and it was pretty busy. I had finally filled up my cart and was standing in line waiting to put all my stuff on the conveyor. As I stood there I noticed a lady behind me who had one of those small baskets filled with food. I wondered why she was in the line behind me and not in the express check out. My first thought was to just go ahead and get all my groceries on the conveyor, you see she had the option to go into the express line and get checked out quicker, as where I could only stay in the line where everyone had a cart full of groceries. It also brought back a memory of another time, when there was a woman who in the exact same situation asked if she could go in front of me. What was I to say? NO. She had a couple of things in her little basket while I had a cart full of food. She though, could have gone to the express check out, but the three people in that line was just too much for her I guess. So of course I let her go, I did not want to appear to be unkind. Then the lady goes ahead and does not even say thank you. Ugh. That incident alone bothered me for hours. What am I talking about, it still bothers me. So here I am again, remembering that day where someone presumed on my kindness and did not even say thanks. As I stood there though, I thought that today was somewhat different. Instead of someone presuming on my kindness, I was in the position to give it. That made a whole lot of difference for me. So as I started to load my groceries on the conveyor, I asked the lady if she would like to go ahead of me. She asked if I was sure, and it was then that I noticed that she was pregnant. "Of course", I told her, as I made some room for her to put her load down. I hoped she could not see my expression as I was somewhat embarrassed that I even delayed in asking her to go ahead of me. That is the grace that I like, the type that so overflows from what God gives to me that I can extend it to others. Where I don't have to worry about anything other than being what I want to be, kind. It may not sound like much, but for me, it is everything.

Viva La Revolution II

I was watching the news one morning and was listening to a young man describe the horrors he had seen while in Syria. The people have begun a revolution seeking freedom. As I sat there listening, he told of a comment his friend made in reference to the president of the country. His friend stated that "Satan would be better in his place". I was so struck by the comment that I went back days later to verify that I had heard him correctly. Now, I am not sure if he really believes in Satan or not, and I really did not think that the young man wanted him in charge of Syria. It seems to me what he was saying was that even someone as horrible as Satan, would be better than the president that they have now. How bad must the conditions be to say that? I cannot even imagine. That to me sounds like a man who has seen much suffering, and when hope for normal avenues of conflict resolution fail we are left with revolution. Now this is not a discourse on Syria, but on revolution. I like the word. Not really the "violent upheaval," but more the "revolving around to come back to a single point." As I was looking at the definitions today, I was struck how the two definitions play on each other. We use revolution to describe how governments are overthrown. Many times the "revolution" is due to injustice, inequality or plain old terror. The only problem with that kind of revolution is that it is only a "revolution" to the exact same place with different people playing the lead role. They wind up trading one repressive regime for another. Change is good, and history has shown that revolution is sometimes needed. How though do we keep the revolution from becoming just what we were fighting against? I watched a baptism today of five students, and I was again reminded of revolution. When Jesus came to this earth, He was a revolutionary. Although His intention was not to be the violent upheaval of a government, but a revolutionary change in how we relate to God and each other. These kids are revolutionary. I look forward to their growth, change and maturing into leaders. Those who will take this revolution of loving God with all their heart, mind, soul, strength and loving their neighbors as much as they love themselves further than ever before. The great thing about this revolution is that if they come back to the start, all they are going to find is Jesus. The same one yesterday, today and forever.

Hope and disappointment....

So what did I expect when I chose to forego fear? Would I write words of encouragement? Somthing that would be enlightening, inspirational or make people think. My visions of banishing my fears were quickly dashed as God revealed exactly what we were working on first. It was a hurdle that I was not even expecting. It was a tough week for me. Although I was excited for the first day of Lent to come, I was a little behind at work. On Wednesday night I was able to write my first blog entry and was very happy with the outcome. That should have been my first indication that I would face problems. It is that whole Elijah syndrome. God does something that only He can do, and the next thing you know you are knocked off the mountaintop and spiraling into the valley. The problem was that I had to stay up late to finish writing, and so on Thursday I was going to work on less sleep. Now some people can do that, but I do not live well on limited sleep. I tend to get a headache, or even worse I get cranky. When I say cranky, what I really mean is that I get angry very easily. So now my desk is a disaster area and my mind is not in a good place. I was angered easily, and while I was able to keep the anger from spilling over onto the people around me it ate me alive. How could I work on not being fearful when I was dealing with such anger? Even worse, I could not get my mind past it. As I thought about how I started the week, with such high hopes for Lent, I was so disappointed that I was dealing with this anger and not dealing with my fears. It was then that I thought that maybe it was fear that I was dealing with. Maybe the fear was that I would have to humble myself to those around me. To not expect someone to change to suit me, but to change my own reaction to what happens around me. The fear that comes from putting someone else before yourself, and the risk we take of them taking advantage of that position. Maybe the fear had to do with trusting God to handle the situation and change the person who had angered me, or even worse letting Him change me if I was the problem. All I really knew for sure was that wallowing in my anger was not getting me anywhere. So I decided that I wanted to do what would make the situation better, and the only way I knew to do that would be to forgive any perceived offenses and trust God to make it better. We will see how this week goes. Not much has changed from last week, except that I am getting to bed early and I am trusting God to give me the attitude that I will need.

Out of the box.....

So I got rid of the cardboard box. I didn't want to get rid of the box, but I had no use for it. It was a box that if I still had small kids at home, I would give it to them to play with. It was so large that they could pretend it was a car, train, or even a house. The box was so large even I could fit in it. As I sat in the box, because you know I just had to, I thought of how as kids we could pretend that we were anything. Then we grow up and find out that sometimes it is hard to be that person we want to be. Some things are just out of reach for practical reasons. At 5'6 I never thought that playing in the NBA was going to be in my future. Then there are other things that are out of reach because of my own fears. Truthfully, I am tired of being afraid and not accomplishing the things I want to. So this Lent, and I am going to give up something. What I will be giving up is a little different. I am giving up fear. For the next 40 days I am going to give up the fears that usually hold me back in the way I truly want to live. The way I feel God would want me to live. I am not sure what is going to come my way, but I know that it is not going to be comfortable. What do I fear? More than I could tell you here in a few short sentences. I am looking forward to the next 40 days, as I feel I have a lot to accomplish. Truth be told, I am kind of scared of what kind of decisions I will have to make, but I know that God only challenges me with tasks that make me grow. So here we go....out of the box and into the real world.

September 10

It is 8:52 on September 10, 2011. In eight minutes it will be midnight, September 11th on the east coast, in New York. It has been ten years since that horrific Tuesday morning when so many people lost their lives. So as we come to this anniversary, I stop to just ponder the day, the people who lost their lives and just what it means to me.

I am blessed that I did not lose a loved one on that day, but as I think of those who did I pray that God has given them comfort and peace. Those who died that day could have been any of us, they were us, they were Americans. So I try to think, how do I remember them? I am just one woman, how can I do their memory justice? Such was the magnitude of pain and grief, that I feel inadequate to do anything that would suffice. It is then that God reminds me that it is the little things that make the difference. So for me, I am going to do the little things.

I am going to cry and mourn with those who are mourning. I am going to laugh, play and enjoy my friends and family. I am going to watch football tomorrow and sing the Star Spangled Banner, loudly and unashamedly. We will celebrate birthdays, holidays, weddings and births. Go to church, sing, pray and worship. I plan on being an American!

Till I get where I am going...

It is funny how life altering journey's start with what seems like a normal day. I was struck by the fact this morning as I was watching the movie "Soul Surfer". It is the story of Bethany Hamilton, who at the age of thirteen was attacked by a shark while surfing. Her story shows a young lady of faith and how she meets head on the adversity she is presented with. The scene that stood out in my mind was when she went to Thailand after a tsunami had devastated the region. In the scene she is being told a woman's story of when the tsunami hit. "It started out as a normal day" the translator says. The actress who plays Bethany gets a look on her face, as if she is remembering that day that Had started off so normal for her, but ended with a life threatening injury and a future changed forever. In that changed future though, she was alive and so her journey began.

My mind has been on journeys lately, and this morning has been no different. I am sick today, so instead of getting up and walking on the treadmill, I decided that I should take something and lay down to try and get rid of the splitting headache I am dealing with. I turned on Joyce Meyer so that I could just lay there, listen and maybe even fall asleep. While listening, I was struck by what she was speaking about. I do not remember much, but I remember her speaking about being in the middle. On a journey there is a beginning, a middle and an end. Usually at the beginning we are ready to take our journey. We may be excited or if it is a case like Bethany's, motivated to proceed. Either way there are motivating feelings that make you look to the future with hope. We all seek the end of the journey, because that is usually where the payoff is located. What about the middle though? While we are in the middle we may seem far from those first feelings of excitement, and a long ways from the allure of the goal.

How do we stay motivated to succeed when we are in the middle? Well, at this time I feel like I have camped out in the middle. I want to move, but I have been confused. Worried. How will I move forward from this spot? What will it look like, and how will it be received? All of those questions have been asked and more. While I have asked the questions, I have not found answers to them. What I am finding is that I do not have answers to my questions, because i am asking the wrong questions. This morning reassured me of that. How do I survive the middle? By looking for direction, and take it one step at a time. By not being satisfied with the middle. Sometimes it starts to feel comfortable and looks inviting in the middle. The middle though is not the place where I belong.

My favorite song right now is one by Bob Marley. This morning tells me again how God loves me. He takes the things that speak to me and connects them together to form a picture. The song is called "Exodus", speaking of another journey. I have been listening to it a good deal this week, and I looked to find a version online. I found one done by Carlos Santanna and as I watched the youtube version was struck again by the journey. In this version of the song there are various solo's done by the band members. All while Carlos with non verbal cues prompts various musicians to play solo's at different parts of the song. At one point the man at the piano, the fantastic Herbie Hancock, starts to play some different notes that at first sound somewhat discordant to me. As you continue to listen though, he brings these notes into line and eventually brings the music right where it meets up with the other musicians. Again...another moment in the middle. It reminded me of life. We start this journey off like the song, musicians and vocalists all in harmony making a sound that is smooth and flowing. Then in the middle we hear some rougher notes, some left turns and we wonder what happened to our smooth and flowing journey, but in the end the Master Composer is bringing in this melody to it's gorgeous ending with fluidity and grace.

That is what helps me survive the middle. Knowing that even these tweaky notes are adding to the melody of the song that is my life. ok...that is kinda corny, but you get the message.

Barriers...

I got mad this morning. It was because I read an article about some rioting that is going on in England. In the article, the gentleman went on about the "have's and have not's". How he could see why these people might riot, hurt people, and steal because of their lot in life. That they were stealing that flat screened tv because they could never afford to buy it. He went on of course to condemn their actions, and stated that all those who are caught should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

It really did not set well with me. I was so irritated by his article, but at first I could not figure out why?. Then it hit me, he seemed to view these people as unable to do the right thing because they were poor and uneducated. That because they did not have much in life, they were unable to resist the temptation of stealing those electronics or taking out some frustration on someone else's property. He grouped them all together whether he intended to or not, and that did not set right with me.

While there were many people out on the streets, from all accounts that I have read, there were many more at home. Those neighbors that would also be considered "have nots", were not on the streets setting fires, looting or defying police. They were home with their families behind the safety of locked doors, or like some they banded together to protect their neighborhoods. These people, who are in the same socio economic class as those causing the problems, knew that what was happening outside was not something that they wanted to be a part of.

His article seemed flawed. Once again we have grouped an entire population of people together, and assume that they will think and act
the same. Haven't we learned that within the group there are differing opinions, personalities and morals. That grouping people together, while it makes us feel like we can then understand the "group" and it's problems, all it really does is build a barrier that pits us against them.