Darkness and light

I am more of a sunshine type of girl, but now we are in December, and I marvel at how dark it gets. Even now as I look out the window, there are storm clouds in the sky with patches of the dark sky showing through. The clouds, sky and even the trees in my yard are all shades of black and gray. Cold, dark and somewhat ominous. In the clouds there is a promise of storms, but also of life giving rain. There is also a reflection in my window, it is the Christmas tree,with it's pure white lights. A distinct contrast to the darkness outside.

I thank God today for the birth of His Son, and for the work that would take 32 years to accomplish on earth. I am thankful on that day so long ago...that the work was already done, that there was nothing in heaven or earth to stop the blessing that would come forth.

I also thank God that, even though we may not know the exact day of His birth, we celebrate it in winter. At the time of year that truly reflects our fallen state; darkness, cold and separation. Against this backdrop we contrast the light of the world, where He is truly reflected for who He is. Light, peace and above all hope.

Hope of the world....

I was always intimidated by I Peter 3:15.

"to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you".

I had visions of bible verses memorized and knocking on people's doors. For me, the verse was intimidating. I felt that I could never know enough of the bible to be that person.

Then the Holy Spirit just gave me a slap. God was not asking me to be someone else, He was asking me to be ME. He brought me to His word and showed how Jesus taught using parables. Stories that illustrated whatever point He was trying to make. He reminded me that our relationship is filled, with those same kinds of stories. Of the good things He has done for me, the wisdom He has given me and the struggles He has brought me through.

He let me know that the hope I have within me, is best exemplified through the story of my walk with Christ. Don't get me wrong, it is amazing how God brings all those old scriptures to memory when I need them, but I do not have to be a bible scholar to show those around me who Jesus is....

That for all of us...He is the hope of the world.

Back to basics...

It is funny to sit and read through this blog. I read back and see moments where God gives me clarity. In those times I feel like I know what He wants me to do. Then I lose focus and drift lazily down a river of wasted time.

It has been a long time since I have written, again. It is another reminder that any good, wise or encouraging thought I may write is not from me. When I am in control of what I write nothing is produced, but when God is moving my heart I feel like I may be an encouragment to someone.

That is one thing that I have newly learned. I am not called to write a commentary on life, the bible or the christian life. The only thing that I feel called to write is encouragement. To offer the courage that God has given to me, to others.

how much does it take?

My son once told me he wanted to be a garbage man. He was about 8 years old when he told me this, and I was kind of surprised by his desire. It did not seem to be the type of job that most children aspire to become.

The more I thought about his announcement, the more it made sense. You see, at the time I was babysitting a child and his father worked as a garbage man. We went to church with the family and attended many of the same fellowship activities that they did, so my son was well acquainted with him.

We also were served by some very nice men who did the garbage route for our street. These men would greet the boys and were kind to them.

These men made an impression on my young son. I am not sure if he really wanted to be a garbage man, or if he just wanted to be like these men. Men who took time to show kindness and good humor to a little boy. I think of those men and am so thankful for them. My son does not even recall the incident, but I believe that the seeds of those encounters are coming to harvest in his life. I see it in his soft heart and in the humor he uses with kids, adults and his own family.

How much does it take to make an impression? In the case of my son, it didn't seem to take much. How much will it take for that child in your life?

Transition...

After a long hiatus....I am back. We are in the middle of transition. This week the boys will start school, with one starting at a private school, and in 1 week, I will step down from my position of teaching pre-K and K's at church.

In some ways it is an exciting time for all of us, but there is still some uncertainty. So much about this week will be an answer to prayer, and that is the only thing that has made it easier.

We are all stepping out in faith. And just like the sign in my kitchen says...Faith makes things possible...not easy. And right now things are not very easy...but we are very hopeful...and for that...I am very thankful.

Lord save us from ourselves....

I really don't know how to put my feelings into words, but I guess I need to give it a try. I am saddened when someone from the Christian community speaks so arrogantly about an issue. We speak as if the word of God was given to us and we so completely understand it, and look down on any of those who do not. Instead of plainly stating God's position on a particular sin, we pronounce judgement on people.

Any understanding that I have of scripture is straight from God. It is not from my own wisdom. If someone is living contrary to scripture, it is because they are in the drivers seat and they have not released control to God. They cannot see truth, because it is only through the Holy Spirit that we receive understanding.

Even knowing that, we continue to treat people as though they are less than ourselves. Instead of sharing God's truth in love, we bludgeon them with it. We get on our soapbox and proclaim God truth as if it were our own. We act as if their sin is an affront to ourselves, and not God. We choose to overlook that all sin theirs, mine and all of ours fall into that category.

When you look into the mirror, do you use the same tone of condemnation for your own sin that you use with the world?

Redeeming the time.....

Time is on my mind a lot this morning. It is June 1st and it is fast approaching graduation season. As a matter of fact, we have already been to one this year. It was an 8th grade graduation ceremony for the local Christian school. This week we will attend the ceremony for the high school and then next week the ceremony for my niece who is graduating from college. Each graduation marks a milestone in the lives of each group, the passing of one stage of life and the beginning of another.

One of my Facebook friends made a note on her page, asking where the time went. She is getting ready for her own son's graduation. We all know that "time flies".....but we don't really think about it until events happen to bring us back to that reality. Each day that passes gives us the impression that we are living, but are we really? We fill our days with activity and with the busyness of life, but are we "redeeming the time"?

What I really mean to say is am I redeeming the time? Am I using the time God has given me on this earth for it's best purpose? I was lamenting the fact that the last time I had truly written anything was May 11th. I write thoughts in a composition book, especially on Sundays, but it has been a long time since I had written anything in my blog. I never seem to have enough time. When I start to write, I sit with a plan in my head. Ultimately that plan or outline gets trashed and God leads me down a different path of thought. So, for me, it takes time. Time enough for God to change my mind from my thoughts to His. That is why it is so hard for me to write, because I know that I cannot just sit for a few minutes and get it done quick.

I then thought about the 6 hours I worked on Saturday, trying to play catch up with work. Or even the 20 minutes I wasted this morning, clicking on some link on my facebook page. Right now, I would love to have that 20 minutes back. I don't have it though, and because I wasted that 20 minutes I now have to go. I think the point is here though. We are all rich, in time. No matter how long we are here on earth, that bit of time is a precious commodity. Spend it wisely.

What MUST be?

I was reading the story of Zacchaeus this morning trying to be better prepared for Sunday. This is a bible story that I have taught at different times during my years as a Sunday school teacher, but today it struck me differently. I love how God's word is alive....it does not change....but God will use the same story to give different teaching at different times of your life.

As I read the story again, something that Jesus said surprised me. When He called to Zacchaeus, He said that He "must" come to Zaccheaus' house today. I thought that "must", was a very strong word. Like, today was Zaccheaus only chance, it "must" be today or that was it. Now, I know enough about the bible to know that Jesus does not give us one chance only. I know He patiently and persistently pursues us, giving us the opportunity to come into relationship with Himself. So why "must"?

God brought back to Zaccheaus response. Zaccheaus was going to give money, and by the sound of it a lot of money to the poor. He was also going to pay back people he had stolen from. That day, because Zaccheaus invited Jesus into his home, a whole lot of lives were changed. Zaccheaus' household, many poor people and anyone he had stolen from, were going to receive great blessings.

I think of my own life, and how sometimes I feel that God may be impressing something on my heart, but because of time, money or lack of energy I do not respond to the "must". I am thankful to God for second chances, no doubt, but what blessings have I missed out on? Have I missed out on blessing other people? If I go by the example of Zaccheaus' story, I probably have.

So today I pray that when I hear the "must", I may respond immediately. That I would put the potential blessings of God, before myself. To not wonder if God will bless, but to expect God to bless, when I do what "must" be.

Back again....

It has been a week since I have last written, in this blog or anywhere else. At first I did not write because I was finished with my "Lenten blog", then I just kind of got distracted by other things. Some of the things were good, and then some were just stupid distractions.

I had a conversation with a friend today, and she helped remind me that I cannot be distracted from the job God gives me to do. Foremost that is to keep Him first and my family second. If I can keep those two in order, then God will be in a position to give me wisdom to prioritize the rest.

I was struck by Deuteronomy 31:6 today, it says:

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

When I keep God first, I know that whatever happens is not a surprise to my Lord, and that He will clear my path of distractions, or things that He does not want me to deal with. When I run off ahead of Him though, I tend to think of the path and my direction more than the God who I am walking with. I may get distracted or I may take a wrong turn and come upon something that I was never intended to see or hear.

I praise God that He goes before me! And I pray He helps me to stay in my place, so I do not have to be afraid....

Praise God from whom all blessings flow...

Tomorrow is Easter, and the end of my Lenten experiment. So for the last day of writing in this blog, I decided to go to the end of the Easter story. In Matthew 28:1-10 two women came to the tomb that morning, and found the stone rolled away. An angel spoke to them, and told them that Christ is risen from the dead. When they went to go and tell the disciples, Jesus Himself appeared to the women. They immediately fell at His feet and worshiped Him.

As a woman, I am thankful for this example in God's word. It was two women who first saw Jesus that resurrection morning. It reminds me that while the Bible is filled with great men of God, there were women that He used for His good purposes also.

It reminds me, that God can use this woman for His good purposes. "For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37

Through the refiners fire....

"Sorrow is better than laughter,
for sadness has a refining influence on us." Ecclesiastes 7:3

Life is short...only God knows the number of days we have on this earth. That thought was on my mind today, so I started looking in the Bible, because I knew God would have something to say about it. That is how I came to the verse in Ecclesiastes.

Yesterday, a young man was killed by a drunk driver. This man in the car happened to be a rookie with the Anaheim Angels baseball team. He was twenty-two years old, and had just pitched his first major league game the night before. They say that he pitched a fantastic game, there was a bright future waiting for this young man. It all ended in a moment. My heart goes out to all of the families involved, there were two other people in the car who also lost their lives. With one more seriously injured, who is now in the hospital.

With their loss, I am reminded that God does not promise us a certain number of days. With that thought, I wonder...am I using my days wisely? Fulfilling my role God has planned for me? Do I have time to sit back and let opportunities pass me by, because I think I will have another chance?

It scares me to think of chances that may have passed me by. That is my prayer for myself, and for all of us. That we take the opportunities that God presents to us and to not put off what we know is good.

Assume the position.....

Today is Passover, and while I am a Christian I tend to think more of how God freed His people from bondage in Egypt than of the last supper. I love the story of the exodus. One of my favorite bible passages is the song of praise the people sing in Exodus 15, it ends "Sing to the Lord, for He is highly exalted; The horse and his rider He has hurled into the sea." Love it!!

So because I don't tend to spend much time with the last supper, I decided I had better read it again. I was interested to find that only the gospel of John relays the story of Jesus washing the disciples feet. Now we observe communion at various times of the year, and in some churches they do it every week. Why don't we observe the example of feet washing? I have actually participated in the tradition once. It was done tentatively, with a few giggles, but I do not really think it had the same spirit.

I am sure my feet were not spotless, but they did not have the dirt of dusty streets. I had the luxury of shower that morning, with hot water and soap. A much different scene than what would have met Jesus that day. When my feet were washed there was no scrubbing, someone just rinsed off my feet and dried them off.

I can see Jesus in my minds eye, down on His knees having to scrub so that the dirt from the many miles they traveled would come off. I can imagine the disciples not being comfortable at first, but then they start to relax as Jesus massages their feet as He dries them. Maybe they felt relaxed and a little humbled when He was done. Who doesn't feel relaxed after a good pedicure?

I think of those who do not have the luxury of hot water and soap. Those who live on the fringe of society, and do not have the simple ability to wash daily. How would it feel for them to have their feet gently scrubbed, with fragrant soap and massaged dry? Now for me the real question is, would I be willing to reach out and do that for them? Or even just shake their hand? Jesus said in John 13:14 ..."You also ought to wash one another's feet."

Would I be able to put aside any pre-conceived notions and reach out and touch someone in this circumstance? I would like to think yes, that I would be able to do it. While that may be true....Am I doing it?

It does not matter if I think I would do it or not, if I do not step out and put myself in the position where I would have the opportunity. That is the million dollar question....do I want to position myself to do good?

Am I willing?

"...Because of the joy awaiting Him, He endured the cross, disregarding its shame.... Hebrews 12:2...

So recently I have been living in a place of expectation. Feeling that good things are going to happen...at some point. I was feeling so good for while, that it hit me hard today when I started feeling frustrated. As I tried to shake the frustration, I received an email from a co-worker. I opened it and saw that is was a devotional, with Hebrews 12:1-4 as the scripture reference.

It was that part of the verse in Hebrews that jumped out at me. Now I am not saying that the frustration I was dealing with even comes close to the agony of the cross. What I was struck by, was that Jesus knew the joy that was coming, and decided that the joy was worth the price. So I ask myself the question; Is the joy worth the price?

Unlike Jesus I do not know what the joy or the price is going to be, but I know that there will be both involved. Am I really strong enough to say yes to the price, so that I may see the joy? I know the joy and even the price will bring glory to God, but am I patient enough? Or willing? I know that by myself the answer is no, but if I am willing to say yes to God....anything is possible.

Keep watch....

I am reading the gospel accounts of the last days of Jesus, since it is almost Easter. I have a verse underlined in the 3 gospel accounts where it happens. Jesus asks the disciples to pray with Him in the garden. While there, the disciples fall asleep, not once but twice. All the while, Jesus is praying fervently, seeking God's will and strength to face what is coming next.

If the disciples had known all that would happen, would they fallen asleep? Wouldn't they have been praying so that they would not "enter into temptation", as it says in Matthew 26:41. They were not praying though, they had probably snuggled down and found a comfortable position to start praying, and instead fell asleep.

I know that the future holds a combination of good and of the not so good. At times we will all face struggle, hardship,and mourning. There will also be times of joy, good fortune and peace. The problem comes as we face each new day, and are not sure if we are going to find the good, the bad or the ugly.

What is consistent though, is whatever kind of day we face, we must start it with prayer. Just like the disciples, without bringing ourselves close to our heavenly Father, and seeking His protection, we run the risk of walking smack dab into the middle of the thing that may hurt us most. I take Jesus at His word, if he says I can pray to "not" enter into temptation, I want to do that. Like the disciples though, I find that so many times I forget what should be first, and unfortunately make it last. Easter is coming, I don't want to be found sleeping on the job.

Weary....

So I was stressed as I drove to pick up my son. It was getting late, my head hurt and my voice is still not back to normal. All I wanted to do was go to bed, not go home and write in my blog. God then gently reminded me that this blog is not mine. It is the task that He has set for me at this time. And as long as I let Him be the focus, I can take heart in Matthew 11:30..."For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Which immediately brought me to Matthew 11:28..."Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

To stay working at the task that God sets before me is the key to both this blog and to my rest.

Revolution....

God uses words to talk to me. So when I hear a word over and over I make sure I listen when it is used. One of the words God has put on my heart over the last year is revolution. So it has recently come back to my attention through different mediums. So much so that I looked up the definition in the dictionary. As I kind of remembered it speaks of abrupt and complete change, usually in the political spectrum. Now I can understand God using the word in the respect that maybe I need to make a radical change, but the violent nature that is associated with the word did not sound like God.

I continued reading the definitions, and saw one that I had forgotten. Revolution also refers to "a procedure or course, as if in a circuit, back to a starting point".
So a revolution is something going around a path and coming back to the starting point. That is the very simplified version. Like the earth's revolution around the sun.

So what does that mean? Maybe He is speaking to what my life is centered around? I hate to say it...but I believe that I let myself be the center of my life way too much. I should be following the path God has for me, with Him leading the way. Instead I spin around like the earth, making a revolution.

Every time I let "me" be the center of my life, God spins me right back to where I started. Giving me another opportunity to put Him first and follow Him through each stage of my life. I hate that I continue to spin in circles, but I thank God that He brings me back to the start. That is where He is, ready to be my center again, and point me back in the correct direction.

Viva La Revolution.....

Peace....

For me, the word peace usually means quiet. Right now, I have turned off the tv and everyone is in bed. Now, I love music...and I tend to like it loud, but when I am tired or sick, loud noise bothers me a lot. Usually though, it is not too big of a problem. I turn down the radio, tell the boys to be quiet, or ask my hubby to turn down the tv.

I am thankful for that.....the fact that when I am seeking peace it usually is in reference to sound...to a quiet place. I am not looking for the peace that people seek as they live through war. Nor do I cry out for peace because of the injustice being delivered to my family. I have been blessed to be born in the United States. Not a perfect country, but a place where I can worship, live and work in relative safety. As an American, I knew that was a gift that you receive when living in this country. What I really did not realize is that Americans comprise just a small percentage of the worlds population. Which means that so many more people live without peace, than those of us who do.

I praise God for the opportunity to live in freedom and peace.

Anchored...

I heard an interesting quote today...It was on Good Morning America, an ice climber fell 72 feet and survived to tell about it. I was getting ready for work...and I was just kind of listening to the story, not really paying attention. Then clear as day I heard the climber say, "I was using the wrong material for my anchor." He used a nylon rope instead of a metal carabiner as an anchor. He made what seemed like a simple mistake, but it almost cost him his life.

I was immediately struck by how profound the statement was. If we anchor our lives to something that is not solid or is weak, we may be allowed to fall into trouble. Do we anchor ourselves to our job, family or money? Choosing God, is the only solid place to lay down our very lives. What about our anchor that "connects" us to our "rock"? Is it our church, pastor or ministry? Or is it one simple relationship....Jesus.

Thanks babe....

I am a little frustrated tonight. I am trying to put more information on my Facebook page. I updated some of the information, but I neglected to save it before going to a new section. So it was all lost. It is so frustrating!!

The whole Facebook and blogging thing is very funny to me anyway, because I am not totally into computers. I use them a lot...at work and home, but I am not into becoming an expert on how to use it. I just want to be able to do what I want to do...and not have to worry about learning the rest.

My husband set up both my blog and Facebook page. He is trying to get me writing for adults. For the past few years I have only been writing for preschoolers. I am given curriculum, but I usually take the information and put it into words that I think my kids may relate to better. I keep the same verse, point and bible story, but I may rewrite something that I think may not make sense.

The problem for my husband is that when I study for these presentations, God usually teaches me other things, and I share them with him. I think he was getting tired of listening to me talk so much.... So now he just has to read it. I am sure it is much easier for him to read it than listen to me spout off...

So thank you honey....for encouraging me to do something so out of character. For believing that God has got something going on with me. I know we both don't totally understand, but I know you got my back anyway....

Finders keepers.....

So this morning I was reading going over the bible story for this Sunday's lesson. I was reading the story from Mark 4:35-41...of Jesus calming the storm. It is another story that I have taught at different times, but today it hit me in a new way. Jesus calms the waves and asks the disciples if they have faith. The disciples then go and start talking amongst themselves, asking each other who Jesus really is....

It really made me think of myself. When I started following Christ I only knew a shadow of Him. He continues to grow me the more I learn about Him. He speaks to me and I start, hopefully, to live how He wants me too. There are some things in the Bible that are cut and dried....and then there are things that God works out through your life. Some things that He may ask of you, and not necessarily of me, or vice versa. God has been speaking to me about this for a while, and this is what I see in this story.

These men who, although they walked daily with Jesus, they only had that shadow of understanding. We know they eventually came to full knowledge of Christ, and went on to spread His good news to a waiting world. I am thankful that their example is in God's word. I know that as long as I seek Jesus, He will be working out our relationship. That is so I may know Him in a more full way.

"You will seek me and find me whan you search for me with all your heart"....Jeremiah 29:13

Something good has begun....

I wound up alone tonight, for a couple of hours. Everyone had left to various activities, so I decided to start writing early. I got a little distracted by the tv...it is a curse. One of my favorite movies was on, "Remember the Titans". I love the movie, especially the music in the film. I was struck by the Cat Stevens song, "Ride on the peace train".

"Now I've been happy lately
Thinking about the good things to come
And I believe it could be
Something good has begun"

This is the place where I feel like I am living right now. Not that where I am at is not "good". It is the feeling that God is working in my life. Changing me, preparing me for what He has in store. I am not expecting some world changing, spectacular event. What I do expect is another step along the path of me and God working out our relationship....together.

Pull me out....

A few weeks ago I heard a Bebo Norman song that really brought me out of a cranky mood. The song is called "Pull me out"... in the chorus it asks God to "reach down here and pull me out". I can remember listening to the song as I drove home from work, laughing and singing the words.

I could picture myself knee deep in the "miry clay" of this world. Wanting to do the good things that God has planned for me, but I am stuck. I then call out to God to "pull me out". This call is not a serious cry, it is more like the cry of a person who cannot believe they are in the same mess...again. I am a very visual person, so I could easily picture myself in that situation.

I am thankful for God's sense of humor. That He will use humor to lift my mood, but to also give me a measure of truth.

Righteousness of God...

Today is Sunday... I only have 2 more weeks till Easter. My first thought was, "great I will only have 2 more weeks to blog everyday", then my second thought was...oh no!! Easter is only 2 weeks away, what are we going to do???

I think I will try and focus for the next 2 weeks on the events leading up to Easter. I want my prayers and thoughts to be focused on this event and the outreach that takes place on this day. That hearts would be softened, eyes would be opened and that people would find hope in the message of Jesus death and resurrection.

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”- 2 Corinthians 5:21

This is our hope...this is what it all is about....and that is good news.

Waiting.....

I feel like I am waiting for something to happen. I am not sure what it is, but the puzzle is not totally together. I am reminded of Habakkak 2:3...

This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.

It seems far off right now, but there is no stopping it, it will happen when the time is right.

To be a blessing.....

So today as I finished reading my book, the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 was used to make a point. Since that story was one that I had been thinking about all week, and even had used in my blog 2 days ago I was really paying attention. I had been struck by Jesus takiing the limited food and multiplying it to meet the need.

In the book, there was another point brought up, and that was the fact that those 5 loaves and 2 fish may not have been the only food there in that crowd. The bread and fish was the only food brought out to share, but that does not mean there wasn't additional food there that someone kept to themselves. It stands to reason that with so many people, there would be more food.

I thought about the blessing that boy was able to receive by sharing his food, and how it blessed so many. Then I thought if someone else had food, why didn't they share? How did they feel? What held them back? I wondered who I was more like, the person who would give that little bit I had or the one who would keep it hidden? The question is tough, and I do not think I have really been able to give myself the answer yet. I do hope God will show me, I think it will be important for me to know.

Trust....

So today I did not even worry about what I was going to write today, I knew exactly what it would be as soon as it happened to me. So this morning I got some unexpected work in the bag that goes back and forth between our corporate office and the office I work in. As soon as I saw the work, I got an instant message in regards to the work. So I told them I would make sure to get it done and sent back to them today. I was then given some old work that needed to be tracked down. I was less happy about this work, because it always seems such a pain to get it done. I have to rely on other people to stop what they are doing, and make corrections on files that should be closed out.

So after a couple of hours, I was a little stressed and started to feel depressed. Soon my head and neck started hurting, and I new that I was in trouble. So at that point I stopped and tried to think of anything that I knew I needed to complete today. Crazy as it sounds, I had been forgetting to write out a check to a charity that I support. So I grabbed my purse and wrote out the check...I then felt a little better.

I still had that work to get done though, and it was then that God put a thought in my head. Just like I was reading yesterday when Jesus performed a miracle, it all started with people willing to give up control and donate their food. So I figured that if I wanted a "miracle" I would have to give up control, send out those emails and give God the opportunity to get the job done. As soon as the thought popped into my head I started laughing, I was so thankful for the realization. I was then able to get the emails out and not worry about the response.

It was very freeing....just trusting God to make something happen....It is an amazing feeling. Just wish I could do that with every problem I had.

A picture of hope..

I was reading the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 today. It is the bible story for this weekend...so I am trying to write a puppet script that will work with the story and the point for the day.

It amazed me that God took what little could be gathered from the crowd, the 5 loaves and 2 fish, and was able to feed five thousand men. Along with whatever women and children were there. Jesus provided, but He allowed those who gave that little bit of food the opportunity to join in with His work.

It is a picture that gives hope. There are problems in this world that seem insurmountable. There are pleas for help that bombard us on all fronts, and so much of the time we feel helpless because we cannot save everyone. We have to look to Jesus. He took the five loaves and two fishes and was able to feed thousands. What can God do with what we give? Whether it is time, effort or money. If Jesus could exponentially multiply some fish and bread, what could He do with the extra resources that He has given me to share. How many could that affect? It is kind of exciting to think about...

Rejoice....

So today I wrote out some thank you notes for some of the ladies that serve with me in the preschool sunday school class. This is the task I should have completed yesterday. It is a small thing, but I felt God was motivating me to encourage these ladies. It really reminds me that even in the small things, obedience matters.

Yesterday I was depressed and angry at myself, today though I felt joyful. Free of the weight from self condemnation that I struggled with yesterday. I still struggled at moments this morning, but I looked to find some help. God brought me to Philipians 4:4 "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I say rejoice!" I knew that at lunch I could right my wrong...and that is a reason to rejoice. It is not every day that I can fix the things I screw up. And if that is not something to rejoice about...I don't know what is.

Obedience.....

I was not very obedient today...I felt that God wanted me to accomplish some things today, but I did not get them done. It was my fault, and it was really stupid why I did not get them done, and it affected how I felt this afternoon. Depression set in as I finished the work day, I got where I felt like I could barely function.

This evening as I sat down to write, and was not sure where to start. So I opened up the study guide from the Priscilla Shirer conference and found what I needed. Again!! She had brought us to the book of Jonah in chapter 1, where we witnessed Jonah's disobedience. She reminded us though that after that disobedience Jonah came to the place of repentance and obedience. Then in chapter 3 we see the fruits of that obedience. God did not need Jonah, Ninevah could have been saved another way, but God chose to give Jonah a second chance and use this man as His instrument.

For the small tasks that God has put on my heart that I did not get done today, He will give me another chance to complete them tomorrow. For those second chances that God gives, I just give Him thanks. I am looking forward to tomorrow and another chance to be obedient....

Bonds.......

I was late for church this morning. I am usually there early and sit in the same vicinity every Sunday. Well this morning I dawdled getting ready and so, was later than usual, because of that I wound up in the back on the corner of the aisle. As I sat there, one of the ladies in the church walked past me and as she did, she reached out and just touched my shoulder. As soon as she did, I just felt a rush of warmth. It was like God was again talking to me about personal touch, connections between people, and how that means something.

What does it mean? What is the bond that is created? What can God do through the bonds we create between each other? I am not exactly sure what the answers are, but I know when God says things time after time, He is trying to tell me something. So I am going to try and listen and keep quiet so that I can hear...

Worthy of touch....

So today I had the pleasure of participating in a spa day with some of my friends. It was a wonderful time. All of our needs were taken care of, and for a few hours we were treated like queens.

When I went in for my massage, I was happy to just lay there and relax under the skilled hands of the massage therapist. I was interested by the fact that during the massage, she always had a hand on me. That person to person connection was very relaxing. I was surprised by the feelings of comfort when she massaged my hands. Her touch made me think about how healing the touch of a person could be. I wondered what happens when there is no personal contact?

What about those who we may feel are unworthy of our touch? Someone who is dirty, sick or in poverty. We are scared to reach out and touch those who may need it most.

In the book of Ezekiel, God is speaking to those in Jerusalem who have shown themselves unfaithful. I was struck by the word picture God paints in chapter 16 verses 9 and 10. Of God, who gently bathes, annoints and clothes his people. It is showing His great grace, even when we don't deserve it. This picture of God physically stopping and caring for bodily needs, says to me that the connection between people is important. And not just the easy, clean, good looking people. Every single person who walks the face of the earth needs the touch of someone who cares enough to look past the circumstance, and at the heart.

No brainer...???

It is amazing how one day, you are sitting there and realize a profound thought, and are shocked why you did not think of it before. I have been a Christian since I was in elementary school. I did not grow up in a Christian home, but was "adopted" by a family that brought me to church every Sunday that I was willing to come. So from fourth grade on I heard bible stories, sang the great hymns of the faith and was shown by example how to pray. Not that everything was perfect, I look back now and see legalism poke out it's ugly head, but in building a foundation for my faith, it was good.

As I was reading today, I realized that I knew people that were not only unchurched, but they have never even heard some of those basic bible stories that I know by heart. They have no idea who Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego are, let alone why they were thrown into the fire. Have they heard of Daniel, Nehemiah, Jonah, Deborah and the Ethiopian eunuch? The bible has so many stories, and the history of a nation, but they do not know. I mean these are not people out in the jungle, where they do not have access to a bible, or where there are no churches. These are people living in the United States, the land of the free and the home of the brave. With a church on every corner, and a couple of bibles in every home, or at least in most homes.

It may seem like a no brainer, but after this thought hit me I tried to think how to approach these people. Do I give them a bible? I mean, I have spoken to them about God, and my faith, but their bible illiteracy is so great. How do we get past that? I am not sure, but I am hoping God will give me the wisdom to find a solution to the situation. I am confident He will provide. Why? Because Philippians 2:13 tells me that "it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure". I know that profound thought came from Him, which means the solution is also His to provide. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Ugandan dreams......

I have carried a bracelet with me today, I even wore it this afternoon. Now that may not sound shocking to hear from a woman, but you would have to know me and you would have to see the bracelet. I barely wear any jewelry, and when I do it is usually pretty small and not very bold. This bracelet though, is an inch and a half wide white bangle. On it is the word "dream" printed in black ink, it is very noticeable. Why did I wear it? I don't really know. I just felt touching it, and maybe connecting with the message behind it.

I bought it about a month ago when I went to hear Priscilla Shirer speak in San Jose. I had seen some people wearing the bangle, and I did not think it was a fashion statement that I wanted to make, until I knew the reason behind it. There was a woman who was the featured singer at the conference. Her name is Vicki Yohe. I enjoyed the music, even though it was not the style I usually listened to, it reminded me of how they sing on American Idol. She then told her story and I was transfixed...She had been unable to have a child and eventually adopted a son. To make a long story short, she has started a home for children in Uganda, and the proceeds from the bracelet goes to support the home. After that, I of course bought one. I love the idea that in this home, they are giving a handful of children a normal life. The prayer is that this next generation, will be the leaders who will effect change in this troubled country. For some reason I could not let go of it today.

I had a short lunch today, my head hurt so badly, that I did not even read. So tonight, as I sat here thinking about what to write, I scanned my bible, then opened my book to read. I did not get through the first paragraph. As soon as I read it, I knew that God was working on my heart. The author makes the statement that we spend so much of our lives looking at individual "trees" that we miss the "forest". Now to give credit where due...The book is "The Hole in our Gospel" by Richard Stearns. But...that is something that God was saying to me at this conference, on February 22, 2009. I went back to my notes, and there it was, just like I wrote it. "see the forest through the trees".

So what is the connection between these two unrelated people? Richard Stearns first visit as President of World Vision is to where else? Uganda. I do not know what God is trying to teach me, but He is weaving together a tapestry of people, events and scripture. At this point the tapestry looks like of jumble of different colored threads with no rhyme or reason. Step by step, images emerge, colors combine to make shapes and eventually a clear picture will be presented. What will that picture be? I don't know, but I am sure that He will present it at the right time and in the right way. Till then I just have to try and enjoy the process. Easier said than done.....

Leading.....dealing?

I have been dealing with God possibly leading me out of children's ministry. Ok...so dealing and leading are the same word with 2 letters switched...weird. Anyway, today I told God that if He is leading me away from children's ministry, that I will try and be obedient. And even more than that, I would not look to make sure there was something else waiting for me. Why would He move me without having another place for me to serve? That is what I was wondering, but it was like He was saying, that not knowing may be part of the journey.

I am not even sure this is where He is leading. So I am praying...and others are praying about it. It does not fill me with joy, it is kind of scary. I have been in children's ministry for 17 years. God is good, and has given me gifts to use in this area. Some of them are fantastic, giving me the ability to translate God's word to 4 year old speak. He also gives me the willingness to be very silly, and they love it. So this of course makes me feel great!! So He wants me to leave that? A ministry that I identify with so strongly? And leading me where? To something that I don't do well? Or that I have to learn? Doesn't He know how old I am....

"You of little faith"....He reminds me that I still have so far to go. That my identity is not even what He does through me, but through the simple fact that He loves me. For God so loved the world.....

Kingdom of God....

I have started reading my new book, and was struck immediately by one the first points. He started speaking about the "kingdom of heaven", that how we expect to live in heaven is how we should start living now.

That makes an impression with me, because months ago I heard Jim Carrey speaking about a book by a man by the last name of Tolle. Neither the book nor Tolle interest me, it was not written with God in mind. Not that I only read Christian viewpoints, but I think I got the gist of what he advocates and it does not jive with God. I was interested by a statement Jim Carrey made about heaven. He said "he is heaven", not the "christian" version of heaven obviously, but a heaven of living the best he can. Not a philosophy I ascribe to, but I thought it was admirable for someone who doesn't know God.

As I thought about it later, it made me sad. I started to think about how I would live in heaven, so I looked to the bible and see what it said. God led me to Matthew 6:33, where Jesus talks of "seeking first His kingdom". Then to Matthew 6:10 where Jesus tells us to pray for the "kingdom to come", for God's "will be done, on earth as it is in heaven". I tried to think, how is God's will is done in heaven? I could only picture that His will would be done immediately with joy and thanksgiving. I thought of how different that picture was from how I do His will. Slowly, with questions and complaining. Wow, what a horrible picture I present!!

So I try to picture myself walking those streets of gold now, ready to jump and do God's will. More often than not though, my feet seem to be stuck in the miry clay of this earth, sucking me down and holding me back. I do have hope though, nothing is impossible with God. He can lift me up and get me back on the road I need to be. Praise God for His grace!

Shared at lunch...

Today I heard a friend relate a bible story to us while we were at lunch. I knew the story by heart, I had told it to kids many times, but listening to her tell it to someone else was humbling. The story was new, and the application was new to them. I have been a Christian so long that I sometimes take God's word for granted. Today though I was reminded how God's word is alive and exciting for everyone.

I am thankful that God's word was shared over a simple lunch. I pray God helps me to never take that gift for granted.

Atmosphere.....

As I sit here and try to write this evening, I am feeling thankful. Now this does not mean that all is perfect. I am so totally tired, my shoulder is throbbing and I still have to finish writing. I am so thankful though, for a God who covers His people. The day was not perfect. We had a few glitches and some minor frustrations as we worked with our new curriculum, but God covered those things with so much grace.

I am thankful for the talents and attitudes of the people who serve with me. Their willingness to jump right in and try anything. The time they take with the children, and their concern for our kids and their families. It was wonderful to experience that kind of atmosphere. That is the kind of atmosphere I want the children to experience every sunday. A place where fun, mercy and God's grace surrounds all of us.

'Round the Table Carol Sing memories....

So it is late, and I have had a very grumpy day. I remember going to bed grumpy, then waking up and falling back into that same mood. No one seemed to have the same agenda for the day as I did. The house was barely cleaned up and the list of things to do seemed endless. My plans would have been for everyone to work for a few hours, then go do...whatever. Their plans meant playing volleyball at the park. Now I have to admit, it was a terrific day to play ball, but there was so much to do. So I tried to get some things done while everyone was gone. It went ok, but I was frustrated by my lack of progress. I shook off the grumps for a little while tonight, because we went to dinner with friends. As soon as we got into the car though, I was back to my bad mood.

So as I sat down to write I could not imagine what God would lay on my heart, but He knew. I sat down and logged into Facebook, and saw a link for the 'Round the table Carol Sing page. Crazy name, I know, but to anyone who went to Calvary Church in Los Gatos it is a remembrance of a time that has gone by. RTCS for short, was a Christmas production put on by the church every year. The church had a gym, and every November and December it was transformed into a 360 degree stage. Full choir, orchestra, play and children's choir. The production was fantastic, and with 16 performances it was very well received by the public.

It brings back wonderful memories of watching them, and participating in them. I remember the year an ice skating rink on the stage. It wasn't real ice, some kind of synthetic stuff, but the skater was real as she glided across the surface. The way the choir prayed for the people in the audience, as they sat quietly waiting for their cues. The children's choir that always brought smiles, and how the baby Jesus was always lifted high above the head of the one playing Joseph. Of Frosty and Rudolph, who always came and handed out candy. Of being a "santa baby", and how I wish I could still fit into that costume.

Most of all, every year at Christmas when I hear Luke 2:10, I hear the voice of a child. "I bring you glad tidings of great joy"....I don't remember who the boy was, but I can still hear his voice and the excitement that was in it. It is a good memory....I hope I can hear it forever. In case you are wondering, I am not grumpy anymore. How could I be with those memories, that voice and the good news of the gospel reminding me how much I am loved. Thank you Jesus!!

Desperate ...and liking it.....

I have had some desperate moments this week, and although that may not sound good, it has been a blessing. It started last Friday, when I was feeling so ineffective at work, and just cried out to God to give me the ability to do what was needed. This has been a good week for me, I still have a lot of work that needs be done, but I am not at the end of my rope like last Friday.

So I started bringing to God the other things issues that I cannot handle on my own. I mean, I do pray about them, but not always with the same acknowledgment, that I will never have victory in those areas without God making it happen. The great thing about that desperation was it brought me to seeking God's help. Seeking specific words that I need to hear in His word.

He brought me to 1 Samuel 30:6. It is a bad time for David. The city had been raided and the women and children taken captive. Those who were left were suffering under unbearable grief. The people were bitter, talking trash about David and even speaking of stoning him. It says that "David was greatly distressed", but David looked past his own grief and "strengthened himself in the Lord his God". He was desperate, but knew who to take his desperation to.

That is how I felt this week, I took my desperation to God. And as I gave Him the fears and frustrations I have, He took them and gave me hope that He could see the work through to the end. He again reminded me of His past faithfulness, and how even now I could look forward to celebrating an outcome that wasn't even here yet. That kind of hope gave me a joy this week that was overflowing...spilling out in huge smiles and lots of silliness. It does not get any better than that....at least not for me.

Comfort and strength...

Tonight my son, Gene, was feeling uncomfortable. So he asked that I come in and pray with him. OK...so I will not win best mom award. I do not make my son pray, but let him choose to pray or not. There are days where he wants me to pray with him, and days where he does not. So tonight when he asked me to pray with him, I said that I would love to come in his room, and be there while he prayed. So he did, asking God for protection and help in getting to sleep.

We then talked about the lesson from sunday school, it is the story of Peter being jailed and then released from prison by an angel. As I was getting ready to teach the previous sunday, I was struck by the fact that while Peter was in prison, he fell asleep. Now that may not seem very strange, I mean a person has got to sleep, but it was amazing to me that while in this situation Peter was relaxed enough to fall asleep. Did he feel safe? How? I don't know, but earlier in the story it is pointed out that the church was gathering together and praying for Peter.

What power God has given us through prayer! I let Gene know that God was faithful to Peter, and would be faithful to him too. So he settled down, and is in the process of going to sleep as I write this. I love how an example in God's word, mirrors what happens in our lives on a day to day basis. I thank God that He loves my baby so much, that He gives me stories out of His word that bring comfort and strength.

Hope for today....

I attended a meeting on Sunday for our children's ministry staff. We went over the new curriculum and made some decisions about how the class schedule would work. I was reflecting on the meeting and felt a sense of hope. Not that I was hopeless before, but there were changes in the air, and change is not always easy. So around this table we all met, and tried and do some planning for our classes.

I would not say it was a perfect meeting, because I am not a perfect person. I was encouraged to see everyone trying to work together. We are human beings, we do not always see eye to eye. Where is the hope I was talking about you ask? Well the hope did not hit me until this morning. You see, this morning I started praying for each of the ladies in that group. I asked God to cover us with His love, and to give each of us His love for one another.

I know this works, because I have done this before, I was just reminded. Many years ago, I started helping in a 3 year old class after a brief hiatus. By this time I had been teaching Sunday School for at least 7 years, and had taught kids programs for MOPS and bible study. So I had the routine down. The problem was that the co-teacher did not know me or my history. That history included the accidental death of my niece Jessica. She was not even a year old when she died. She happened to find a balloon that everyone had lost track of, it was from one of the kids going to a birthday party. It is hard, I cannot even write it. Needless to say, I do not use balloons a lot in my ministry or my home. If I do, I do not let kids take them home, and I make sure they are disposed of properly.

Well, one day in Sunday School we did an activity with balloons. At the end of our hour parents came to pick up kids, I just assumed we would dispose of them like I had always done. My co-teacher felt that it was not a big deal, and since there were parents standing there I just kind of walked away. I could not just come out and say it, and I did not feel like I needed to explain it. For a while, my fear for the children that had taken the balloons was strong. I finally had to ask God to protect them and keep them safe. I could not bear the thought that one of the parents might lose track of the balloon, and a younger child in the household find it. After reflecting on the incident, I was finally able to forgive her. I know she did not do it to hurt me, but it did. So forgiving her helped me to give up the anger it caused. I told my director as we talked later that week, but did not plan on telling my co-teacher. Like I said, she did not intend to hurt me, she did not have to ask for my forgiveness, I just had to give it.

After that, we were so blessed in ministry. We worked so well together and our class was fantastic. I know it was due to God's grace covering both of us. We did eventually talk about what happened. While it was a hard lesson, it was great to see how God can bring two different women together for His Glory. That is why I have hope. If God can do that, He can do great things with the women who were at that meeting. I can't wait till the day we can look back and see where we have come from, to where God will bring us.

Love the ending....

I was surprised today by a bible verse. It is one that I have heard quoted often, but saw that the verse I knew was not complete. The verse is 1 Peter 3:15,

"but sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence"

It interested me that although the verse is familiar to me, most of the time the end of the verse is not quoted. Why don't we? Is the end of the verse, not connected to the beginning? Do we not think it is important? We accept that we should have Jesus as Lord and that we should be ready to tell anyone, but we don't seem to think that our delivery of that hope matters.

I am excited to have learned the end of the verse. Without the end, I run the chance of totally screwing up the beginning. And isn't this verse what it is all about, people getting to see Jesus and the hope He brings through our actions and words.

So glad for answered prayer....

So Friday was a hard day for me. I just could not seem to accomplish anything at work. Most of what I worked on, had me trying to track down information from other people. It was frustrating, and not always successful. As I left work, I almost wanted to stay and see what more I could get done. I would not have any phones or people walking in to interrupt me. It was Friday though, and that was not going to happen. I was stressed, so I don't think staying would have helped anyway.

On the way home though, I just asked God to put His hand on my desk. That He would protect what was on my desk. From what? I am not sure, but it was a desperate prayer from someone who felt at the end of their rope. So this morning I awoke not incredibly excited to go to work today. I was tired from the time change, the Monday after "springing forward" is not my favorite day of the year. Then my brain was having a hard time shutting off, so I was not feeling my best. I started working this morning and soon realized that time was flying by. I was completing a good amount of work and I felt good.

When this became apparent, I just praised God for His help. It was great! It did not take long though for God to remind me of my prayer from Friday. I had prayed over this same work, and God had taken that desperate plea and had done something miraculous. I am not sure whether He changed my desk, or did something with my head and my heart. I am not sure which...and I don't really care. I am just thankful for God's faithfulness in helping us in every aspect of life.

Praise for the end of the road.....

It is 7:00 on Sunday night, and I can barely keep my eyes open. So to make sure I have enough time to write, I am starting early. Today I am thankful for the opportunity to reflect on the day. Life is so busy, that so much of the time I do not stop to recognize where God has spoken to me through the day. This blog forces me to do that.

I learned a new verse today....Isaiah 25:9.
In that day the people will proclaim,
“This is our God!
We trusted in him, and he saved us!
This is the Lord, in whom we trusted.
Let us rejoice in the salvation he brings!”
The verse was flashed on the screen as we were singing in worship this morning. It was something that immediately struck a chord in my heart. I try to look at situations that are stressful, or challenges that my family or friends are facing and imagine the end of the path. The day when the challenge has been met, the situation is over and we are praising God for His provision. This verse said exactly that to me.

All struggles end, and while they may not end in the way we imagine, we can always look back and through the circumstances see how God showed His tender mercy.

The payoff....

I always find it funny when God gives me an "aha" moment. Today was a lovely, spring-like day, so with nothing exciting planned I started cleaning. I have been sick for two weeks, so the house was in need of some care. Truth be told, the state of my home reflects what is going on in my head. When I am confused, depressed or dealing with conflicting feelings, my home tends to be in disarray. God gave me the "aha" moment last year, and let me see the connection. I tend to forget it though on a day to day basis.

So today, I cleaned under our sink. It was bad!! A mouse had visited us last year and I still had not thoroughly cleaned and disinfected that cabinet. Plus, the faucet had leaked so there was a little bit of water there. Everything came out, was inspected to make sure it was good and or usable, then either kept or thrown away.

I knew the cabinet had to be cleaned for a while now, but I had not gotten to it because of the mouse. I knew he was gone, but my fear of mice is so bad that even just cleaning up after him freaked me out. It is just a small phobia I have. I finally was able to do it though because of the payoff. I knew the outcome was going to be good not only for me, but for my family. That kind of mess is not recommended for the kitchen.

The "aha" moment came when God impressed me with the thought that the cabinet was like my life. I know that there are a few things that God would like me to do or change, but I am afraid to get to it. When I cleaned out under the sink, I knew that I would gain a clean cabinet. What is the payoff when I look to de-clutter and clean out my heart? The answer to that is....I don't know.

What I do know is that God is good, and He plans good for me. Many times though, good just doesn't seem to be good enough. Instead of cleaning out what just might be disobedience, I move it to the back of my life and hope I can cover it. The problem is, that never works. The payoff never happens that way. It only happens when I surrender myself to what He is doing. This blog falls into that category. I do not know what is going to happen, but all I know is that obedience is helping me write. What is the ultimate payoff? I don't really know?

What I do know is that after cleaning out that cabinet, I felt a sense of freedom. Like I had shed something that had been holding me back. It is sort of what I feel every night when I hit the publish post button for this blog. I am shedding the things in my past that give me fear, that hold me back. Again, I don't know for what purpose, but I do know that the freedom I felt was intoxicating.....

The winding road...

I was reading a facebook page today, and had seen some comments of a young woman who is finding it hard to become pregnant. For some reason, God put her on my heart this morning. I thought of the path she was on, and the fact that at the end God is going to bring about His perfect plan. Whatever that plan may be.

As I thought of her situation, I pictured a mountain road. When I was young I lived at the base of the Santa Cruz mountains. Highway 17 went through the mountains to the beach, or highway 9 went up into the mountains for hiking. When I was young, I did not love the drives through the mountains. You know that those roads lead to some of the most beautiful places, but to get there you have to navigate the twists and turns of the road. Some of these roads are narrow, winding and somewhat dangerous, but the payoff is your destination.

In the book of Jeremiah, God tells those in exile that He has plans for them, good plans that will bring them hope and a good future. God tells us the plans are His, not ours. The time frame is His, it is not now, but in the future. Above all He lets us know that it will be good. I don't know how exactly the story will end for this young woman, but I do know that God has plans for her and in the end it will be good. I look forward to the day when God's plan materializes and we can look back and thank Him for His faithful presence during this time of waiting.

40 minutes and counting...

I feel horrible....I wanted this to be quick but I have been sitting here writing and erasing for 40 minutes.

Today is an example of who is in control. I wrote down information this afternoon with the different things that had made me think today. When it comes down to it though, I came away today with one simple thought...

And that was the fact that while I spend most of my days enjoying what life has to offer, with an occasional day that is hard. Much of the world spends their days struggling to survive with an occasional day of peace.

Distracted again....

Today on the local Christian radio station they played tape of a woman who had called into the station to thank them for playing something that had been encouraging. She spoke with them and shared what was happening in her life, they then played tape of when she called back to report what had happened. She told them how their family had to move quickly and had no place to go, also her husband needed to find a job. Although the family was under major stress, she made it clear that they were trusting God to meet their needs. She called them back later in the day to let them know that they had found an apartment. Their daughter had been about to move and immediately had spoken to the landlord and was able to get them into the apartment. The deposit, which they did not have, could be paid in increments to the landlord. It was amazing how quickly God had provided for the family.

Struggles come along for every family, and those with a faith in God seek to put their trust in Him. Why then do the struggles last so long? Is it because it takes some of us longer to strengthen that faith muscle? There is a story in the bible of a centurion, a Roman soldier, who asked Jesus to heal his servant. When the centurion made his request, he trusted so completely that he let Jesus know that if he just spoke the words the servant would be healed. The man knew that Jesus did not have to go to his house, that a spoken word would do it. Jesus commented on the man's "great faith". Within the hour, the servant was healed.

Unfortunately, through the day I became distracted and only recalled the story this evening, after spending the day struggling with gratefulness. I guess my faith muscle needed some exercise today, and for some reason I have a feeling a few more reps are in my future......

Prepared to do good....

There is an annual event in the valley called Kids Day. It is an annual fundraiser for Valley Children's hospital. We are blessed in the central valley to have an exceptional children's hospital at our disposal. I personally know children that have received care at this special place. So every year on Kid's Day, the Fresno Bee sells a special edition newspaper, and hundreds of people stand at intersections selling them for a dollar. It is such a well received fundraiser, that many people give more than the required dollar for their paper. As I was getting ready for work, they mentioned it on the news, so I checked my purse to make sure I had a few dollars ready for my paper. I left the house this morning, ready to do good. As I got into the car, I put the money on the seat beside me. While driving I decided to try out my new earpiece that my husband purchased for me, I put it on and was talking to him in an instant. I had driven for just a minute or two and saw that the detour that had been set up the day before was still in effect. As I commented on this fact, I explained to my husband that there was some utility problem and they had been working on it since the evening before. Our conversation was short, and by the time I had hung up with him only a few minutes had passed. By that time I was approaching the high school where I would turn right, to get to the freeway, and I was somewhat surprised by the person standing on the corner, there was a woman selling a Kid's Day paper. As soon as I saw her I knew what she was doing, but in the few short minutes that it took to get from my house to the high school, I realized that my mind had been distracted from Kid's Day back to normal life. What had been at the top of my mind when I left home had been displaced in a few short minutes.

As I slowed to make the turn, I rolled down the window and handed her the money I had on the seat next to me. As I continued driving, I thought about how easy it was for me to forget about "doing good". It made me think, what if I had not checked to make sure I had a couple of dollars before leaving home would I have gotten a paper? If I hadn't had the money out on my seat, would I have had time to dig in my purse, possibly holding up traffic,to get my paper? I am not sure. They only sell it on the street in the morning. If I had waited till lunchtime, I would have been out of luck.

How many of us find ourselves in the same position? We want to do good, but when the opportunity presents itself, we are not prepared to respond. We have become distracted by other things. I thought back in my own life, on the many times I was not able to respond to a need because I was not prepared. The checkbook wasn't balanced, bills were due or I had spent too much on other things. I get distracted along the way, and take my eyes off of being a good steward with God's money. I know that most of the time I act like it is mine, but I am trying to be truthful, and when it comes down to it, God owns it all.

It has been a prayer of mine for a while now, that I become better with God's money. Sometimes I am on track, but most of the time I am trying to get back to where I should be. Today was a good day though, not only because of the newspaper. I was made aware of a need today, and I was able to help. It felt good, but even more than that, it dawned on me that I had an answer to prayer. This weekend I bit the bullet and worked on bills. What needed to be paid then, what could wait for the next paycheck, the whole rotten business. It felt good to get it done, but the unexpected benefit was that today when a need arose, I knew that I could help in a small way.

Near the end of the work day I heard a verse: James 3:13, "Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom." I thought the verse spoke to what happened during the day, it makes me want to seek "wisdom from above" and understanding I believe only God can give. I am thankful for the lessons of today, and thankful for the opportunity that came with it. It gives me hope that I am starting to understand a little, and that each day I can be prepared to do good.

Time

Time is a commodity that I am quickly running out of. Today was such a busy day at work, I was moving all day. When I left for the night, the inbox was still full. What is even worse is that I wasn't even sitting at my desk. I was actually covering someone else's desk, because she was out sick today. We actually had two people out sick, and we were all trying to cover work that was more important. It was ironic since I started thinking about team work early in the morning.

In the sunday school class I teach, I have many new helpers. It is exciting to have the new help, but I was wondering how they felt about the work they are doing in our class. Are they enjoying the time in our class? Do they feel equipped to help? Am I encouraging them enough? Or in the way that is meaningful to them? How do we become a team? It is something that has been a disappointment to me at times, that I feel that we are going it alone. That none of us take the time to work together. This is just crazy to me. It is my hope that God can create a team out of the many people who come to serve Him. Time is against us though, it is hard to create a team work ethic when you don't communicate on a regular basis.

I see the teamwork that I am looking for at work. We care about each other, and are willing to do whatever we need to do to make sure things get done. Those are relationships that have been created through time. Every day working side by side, unfortunately we do not serve in our ministries every day. So how do we create that connectedness when we only see each other once a week?

I am not exactly sure, I am just posing the question. I doubt it will be an immediate answer, more likely we will build these relationships one step at a time. All I do know is that I am going to be looking daily for those steps, and whatever they are, try and be ready to take them.

The day after....

So this is the second day of writing on my blog. I have been sick this week. So as soon as I came home from church I ate, took medicine and went to sleep. When I finally awoke, the first words I heard were of course "what's for dinner"? Our house runs on it's stomach and when it is time to eat, it is time to eat. So of to the store I went, and as I was coming home, I started to think about this blog. I had been sleeping most of the day, and to make the offering complete I have to write every day. How would I continue to write every day until Easter? What would I say? Why would it matter?

The answer did not hit me until I started writing, it is a matter of trust. I trust that it is God moving me to write daily, and so I trust that He will give me words to say if He wants to. Believe me, at this point I really want Him to give me the words because I believe His words will be good. My own may be sketchy at best. Trust is something that God is talking to me about a lot lately. So much so that I am starting to deliberately build my trust in God by doing a few exercises.

I felt that while I may trust in the Lord for good in my life, I usually take it for granted when it happens. I was not acknowledging God as the one who provided that good. So now when I ask God for anything, like protection for the boys, I then try to remember to acknowledge that protection that He provided. To not take it as fate, good karma, or luck, but to see it as a gift of God.

So today in Sunday School, we asked Jesus to join our class. Now this is something that we do at the start of every class. Without inviting Jesus to join us, we wouldn't see the miracles He brings to these children. At the end of class, we were able to do things a little different. When we all gathered together towards the end of class, I asked the kids if they believed that Jesus had been with us. Many of them answered with a loud "yes". So since Jesus answered our prayer we all took a moment to say "thank you Jesus" for joining us. These kids trusted that Jesus had been with us. Today we deliberately made the connection with the kids. That Jesus is faithful, He answers prayer and that we can put our trust in Him.

Celebrating Lent

So I am not Catholic....I am what might be termed an evangelical Christian...but I have decided to celebrate Lent this year. Well...not really Lent in the traditional sense. I am still eating meat...and I really haven't given anything up like some of the ladies at work. I have decided to write on this blog during this season leading up to Easter. Now, you may think that does not seem like much of a "sacrifice", but for me it is something that I do not easily undertake. It is a long and convoluted story of how I heard God, allowed Him to give me a gift and then sat there looking at the gift not sure what to do. Even more than not knowing what to do, I was afraid. Scared of how I would look and what people would think.

So what was the gift you ask? Well, it was the first posting on this blog. The story "Good Little Bear". It was posted in August, but it was written in February 2008. So here I am in February 2009 and it has gone no where. Not because it was not good, I really don't know if that is true or not. It has gone nowhere because I have not put the story or myself out there to get any kind of response. Here is where the scared part comes in...I was scared for people to hate it or for people to love it. Call me crazy....

Last weekend though I had the pleasure of going to San Jose and seeing Priscilla Shirer. During that time she spoke of Jonah and second chances. During that time I felt that God was saying that this was my second chance to use the gift. So how does that bring me to Lent and blogging as my "lenten" offering? During Lent you give up something as an offering to God. So instead of giving up something, I am trying to "be strong and courageous" and use the gift He has given me as my offering. I have heard the words in my head, the ones that come out of my mouth, and believe me the best thoughts I have are the ones that God gives through what I write.