Cake...and it's many lessons.

My son and I were talking about college today, and we came up with a good analogy for what schooling would mean for him.  We decided that it was like cake.  I have been on a cake trip lately, but that is a different story all together.

The problem with cake, is that most of the time people want to know what kind it is before they will commit to having a piece.  If there are two types of cake, with one being labeled and the other unknown, more than likely people will go for the one that is named.  They may think the second cake looks really good, but not being sure of what it is, presents a gamble.  The cake that is labeled, is more of a sure thing.  It may not be better tasting than the cake that is unknown, but at least there is knowledge of a sort of what you are getting.

I told him that a college degree is kind of like that too.  In some respects it does not mean that you are better, smarter or more qualified for a particular job, but it does give a prospective employer a certain set of expectations that you should meet.   A certain base of English usage and math that you should be able to accomplish.  A set of experiences that you should have at least been exposed too.  

I think he found this encouraging.  A different way to look at school, so that instead of a pain, he sees it more as a stepping stone.  

Fighting fire with...peace.

Last week was hard.  My son fights forest fires, and the west is blowing up.  The fire that he is on is relatively close to our home, so there is a lot of tv coverage.  While I was appreciative of all of the people calling for prayer, the more I heard, the sadder I got.  It came to a head one day, and I told one of the ladies in my office I was pouting and why.  It was then that God reminded me of one of my favorite bible stories, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.  In this story, three young Jewish men who have been taken from their home wind up in the service of the King.  While there, they served the King well, but they made sure that God was the one they truly honored.  Well that wasn't good enough for the King, and when they would not bow down to his statue, he decided to punish them by throwing them into a fire.  These young men decided to honor God whether he saved them from the fire or not, and in that is where I find my peace.  That my son's ultimate protection is in the middle of God's will.  These young men did the job that God had for them, and God kept them safe.  My son is doing the job God has gifted him for, and my trust is that God will keep him safe.  I do know that anything can happen in this world, but I am thankful for God and how He reminds me that He is in control.

Attitude.

Saturday morning was hard for me.  I have been feeling a little overwhelmed for the past few weeks with the life I have chosen to live.  I am trying to be the person I believe I was created to be, but sometimes I don't like it.  It is not easy.  Sometimes I want to eat the wrong thing or say what I think no matter what it is, or to just waste my money.  I know that would not make me happy for long, or help me achieve the goals I have set for myself.  Like I said, it is hard.    Back to Saturday....  It was going to be hot, and I don't mean the heat you sit by the pool and enjoy, it was the type of heat that melts brains.  Typically on Saturday morning, I make my weekly trek to the Wal Mart to do our grocery shopping.  I do this religiously, so that I can try and control our food costs.  It is one of those things that I have chosen to do for the benefit of our family budget.   I try not to be a martyr, but sometimes I don't believe that I am appreciated for my effort.  So I got up early, because I just do naturally, but I messed around before I decided to get going.  Now I wasn't worried about the heat, because I typically take my husbands car.  You see, my air conditioner in my van is not working.  Since I am saving up to buy a new car, I don't really care to fix it.  Even in the heat, it is not so bad because I only drive it to and from work.  That small trip only takes fifteen minutes and I can take the heat for that short a time when I drive home.  On Saturday though, I was looking forward to air conditioning.  I did not stop to think though that my husband had someplace to be that morning, and that he would be using his car.  When I realized that he would be taking his own vehicle, I was sorely irritated.  Even worse was the reason he needed his car.  He was going to play volleyball.  Really?  A game?  Did he not realize what I was doing?  I was going to go and carefully plan and execute a shopping trip for the benefit of our family.  I was doing this so that we all can be fed, have personal care products and stay within our budget.   All of this will eventually help us to pay off our debt, save money and retire with dignity.  Volleyball, really?  I told you I have to work hard to not be a martyr.

So I drove to the store, with the windows down suffering in the warmth.  I am not sure if the warmth was worse from the outside, or from the heat generated by my irritation.  I then drove into the parking lot looking for a good spot, and of course I could not find one.  One with a little shade, not too close to the building and preferably no one in the facing spot so I can drive right out when done.  Really?  Who has such precise requirements for a parking spot?  I guess I do.  Since the perfect spot was not available, I found an acceptable one, parked and got to shopping.  It was at that time that I realized that it was a day where everything was going wrong, and it was probably due to my attitude.  I really just wanted to have a nice day, and I knew I had to choose not to be irritated with my husband anymore.  So as I shopped, I plugged in my headphones and listened to some sermons.  There is a Pastor, Andy Stanley, that I will listen to a lot.  He is a great storyteller, and there is nothing I like better than a good story.  By the time I was ready to pay I was in a good mood and had pretty much left my irritation behind.  I found a line that was not very long, and was joined by some people behind me.  I started to load some groceries on the belt, but stopped when I noticed an older lady behind me.  She was using one of those walkers and had only about three items.  So I decided to let her go ahead of me and made some room on the conveyer so that she could put her items up ahead of mine.  She thanked me and said she would do something nice for me some day.  I just kind of laughed.  I don't know how she could, because I didn't even know her.  I told her though that she was helping me, because I needed to do something nice to combat my crankiness.  She laughed at my honesty, and said she should come home with me.  The problem, I told her, was that she would then have to put up with my family and they had already made my cranky.  It was then that she told me she had no one left.  Her husband and sisters had already passed on.  She only had a nephew to come by and help her out.  We continued to chat until she checked out, and it was at that time I realized how blessed I am.

While my family might irritate me at times, they also bring me such joy, they help teach me, they make me want to be better and they make me laugh.  Even if there are times that they make me crazy, they are mine.   I am sure this woman's family irritated her along the way, but since they are gone none of that matters anymore.  It was the way she talked, I knew she would take the good with the bad, if they were just back with her.  I felt blessed by talking to her, and I was thankful that my attitude had changed.  I thought about what would have happened if I had not let go of my irritation.  Would I have had the same type of meeting with this woman?  Would I have been on the receiving end of a blessing from her?  I don't know, but I am glad that God opened the door for our conversation.

My Big God Story

So Easter is over, and as I look back over the day and through the season of Lent, I realize how much encouragement means to me.  What helped me realize it so much, were the days that it seemed to escape me.  Those days were horrible, long and stressful.  It reminded me that my best encouragement comes from God.  I also learned that it works to it's fullest capacity when it is not hoarded, but allowed to flow through me, to other people.  So I wanted to share what encouraged me most during this time.  It is the words God gave me to share on Easter Sunday with our children's church.  I hope it encourages you, as it has encouraged me.

The big God story starts .... with God....and His amazing love.  Because of that love, God created a world, and in that world He put a garden. In this garden were so many wonderful things, animals, plants, water and trees.  Vegetables and fruits.....so many things that were good to eat.  And into this perfect garden, The Lord put a man and a woman.  They knew God.....they walked in the garden with Him.  But then there came a problem, and the man and woman disobeyed God and brought something wrong into that perfect garden.  It was sin.  Because of that, God knew He would not be able to live so perfectly with the people He created.  That the sin would grow and the punishment for that sin is death...the people separated from God.....never having that close relationship with Him again.   God did not like that.  He wanted to be close to the people He created.  So God had a plan to fix it.   God also knew He would have to wait for just the right time.    Until then more people were born, and through time, God called many of them to a special relationship with Him.  There was Noah, and Abraham, Moses and David.   And wonderful women that God used, like Rahab, Deborah and Ruth.  Prophets who spoke God's heart to the people like, Samuel, Jeremiah, Isaiah,  Then there was Malachi.  And after him there was 400 years of silence.  Then....at just the right time in God's story.....a baby was born.  He grew in wisdom and stature.  God was pleased with him.  And when God was ready.... Jesus began His work.  He started by telling the people about God's great love for us, and His plan to save us.

So many people listened to Jesus, they followed Him everywhere He went.  He taught them, and showed them God's love and mercy.  He healed those who were sick and was able to bring hope to so many.  He chose 12 disciples.  12 special friends, who traveled with him, helped Him and listened to His teaching.  Many people were hoping He would be the new king of Israel, that the hardship they lived under would be brought to an end, but Jesus knew that He was a king of a far bigger kingdom.

But there was a problem.  There were men who did not like Jesus. Some were the priests and men of importance in the temple.   Their hearts were hard....and they chose not  to  believe what Jesus said.  They were afraid that people would not listen to them any more, because they were listening to Jesus.  They thought He was stirring up trouble.   It was then that they decided to get rid of Jesus.

One evening Jesus and his friends, were in a garden in Gethsemane.  Jesus knew that the time had come for the next step in God's plan.  You see, Jesus knows the hearts of men.  Even the one's that wanted to kill him.  They came for him that night and arrested him.  They hurt him badly, beating him.  and while Jesus could have called down a thousand angels to free himself, he didn't.  Because God already knew what was going to happen, and Jesus knew this was all part of God's plan.  They took him and he was judged, they did not find him guilty, but they chose to crucify  Him anyway.  He hung on a cross, in so much pain, and there he died.  Later in the day a man named Joseph came and took his body down.  Cleaned Him and wrapped Him in linens.  He laid him in a tomb, and rolled a large stone in front of it.

Jesus friends were so scared.  They were so sad that their friend was dead.  They just didn't understand why?    What kind of plan was this?  But you see, it all went back to the garden.  That wrong that Adam and Eve let in, that sin.  Left to continue forever it would destroy the closeness that God wanted with me and you ....all of us.   So He sent Jesus, to take the punishment for my sin, and yours.  And in doing that, he paid the price for all people.  Everyone.  Now we can be as close to God as that first man and woman was.  By accepting Jesus, and in faith, by choosing to follow God.

You know there is more to this story though.  That was on Friday....a day of pain and sorrow.  But then came Sunday.  And on that day, some women came to the tomb.  They wanted to make sure that Jesus body had been well taken care of.  But when they got there they were surprised to find the tomb open.  The stone had been rolled away.  And when they looked inside, they could not believe their eyes.   Jesus body was not there.  He was gone.  They cried out in grief... "Who has taken The Lord?".  They thought someone had stolen His body.    It was then that they saw the angels.  An angel told the women that Jesus was not there.  That Jesus was alive.  The women were so excited,  they ran to the disciples, and When they told the disciples what had happened, they didn't believe them.  They thought the women were talking crazy...  But they went to the tomb and saw for themselves.  Jesus body was not there.  They left, so confused.  They still didn't know what was going on.  They didn't understand that Jesus is alive!!

Oh but they did find out later that night when Jesus came to them,  the disciples were amazed to see Him.  Over the next 40 days, Jesus appeared to many people.  He told the disciples they were to continue sharing the good news that we could be reconciled to God because of what Jesus had done.  He told them to tell all of the people in Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria and all over the world.  And that is just what they did.  They told people, and many believed.  And then those people told more people and even more believed.  They kept sharing the Good news of Jesus so much, that one day someone told me....and today in my part of the "big God story" I get to tell  you how much God loves all of you.  and how He wants to be a part of your lives forever.  You can be part of the big God story too.  By Faith.... believing, trusting and obeying God....through Jesus.  That is how you become a part of God's most wonderful....fantastic...."big God story".

Where is my piece?

I had so much fun this morning!!  I was doing some exploratory shopping for our bathroom redo before I headed to the WalMart for my weekly grocery shopping.  Since I was in a good mood and needed some coffee, I stopped at Panera for some breakfast.  As I sat down to eat my bagel, I looked around the room where I was sitting I saw a group of women occupying the corner.  There was about seven of them,  mostly older, with a couple who might have been more towards my age.  I continued to watch them as they chatted and passed around a phone looking at pictures.  It was then that I noticed they were all doing something, they were knitting.  Each one of them had needles and different colours of  yarn that they were working on.   I wondered what they were knitting, and who they were knitting for?  Was it for something in particular, or were they together to just visit while knitting?

As I was about to leave, one of the ladies got up and threw something away.  While she was passing by, I started a conversation with her.  She told me that a couple of them had started by knitting some prayer shawls, as they went to the same church.  She said that they expected that it would take about three months and that would be it, but that was five years ago.    Since then they have knitted more prayer shawls, scarves for our troops and even hats for babies.   The hats have been sent to Africa, Haiti and up to our children's hospital in Madera.  She said they were even going to start making some more for the new maternity wing at the hospital in town.

I loved seeing these women enjoying life.  Not only did they spend their time having fun together, but they were able to do something positive with their hobby.  She was really cute, telling me about all the knitted items they had given away.  She said that sometimes they would do something that was just for themselves, but "you know you can only have so much at home" was what she told me.  That made me laugh, as I remember all the items that my grandmother knitted that covered her home.  Or was it crochet?  I don't think I would know the difference?

It was encouraging to see their enjoyment of this little ministry.  They weren't changing the world, but what they were doing was important to each person who received their kind gifts.  It felt like an important lesson for me to see.  I think we are all worried about things we see in our world, but then we get bogged down by the enormity of it all.  These ladies knew how to do it right.   Like a large puzzle, they took a little piece where they could help and took care of it.  Makes me think that if they can do their part, I can do mine.  For me, that is encouraging!!

Like Family.....

So it was a little harder to find where encouragement was hiding this past week.  I had gone back to work after a week away, and it was hard to get into the swing of things.  It was also a hard week for me physically, as I seem to have been carrying a lot of stress.  So between my back and my head, I felt like I was in continual pain.  Instead of wanting to encourage, I myself felt pretty discouraged.  So I kept looking for encouragement this week, but found it to be pretty elusive.  

During the week, I sat down with my husband and watched a PBS special on "Italian Americans".  Being one myself, I was interested to watch the story of the Italian immigrants who started to come to this county in the late 1800's.  Those who came to America faced prejudice, racism and a hard life in the midst of the industrial revolution.  They came though, for a better life, and while it was a hard road, they travelled it with their families, community and their faith.       I totally enjoyed the program, but I was not really encouraged by it until Saturday.  That was when I took some time to study for our Sunday lesson.

As I read through the story of the ten lepers that Jesus heals, I was struck by the one who came back to thank him.  He was a Samaritan, a foreigner.  In the Bible account, he is the only one who comes back and gives praise to God.  It is interesting that the author of the story points out the difference of his nationality.  I believe that may speak to the prejudice in Jesus' own time.  It is the same prejudice that affected my forefathers, and the same prejudice I see affecting people today.  It was in that connection, that I heard the quiet whisper of encouragement.  

What was so encouraging was Jesus example.  Instead of bypassing those who were different, He chose to heal and forgive.   He did not pay attention to the prejudice of the day whether it was based on race, nationality, sin, religion or class.   Jesus looked past all these things to the actual person.  It was exciting, even liberating.  For me, it showed a freedom to ignore the classifications that society puts on people.  The freedom to treat everyone as if they were just like me, even if they don't seem like it.    That is the freedom that Jesus gives us.  To accept the foreigner as if he were family.

Better "Lent" than never.

I am a week late for the start of Lent, but I never said that I had to adhere to the rules that govern most people during this time period.  Heck, our church doesn't even celebrate Lent.  So here I am, a week late, but excited to see the things that God is doing.  While I thought about how I was going to celebrate this year, I was really torn.  You see, I do not typically give up anything for Lent, but instead try to add something of worth or strive to work on something that God has already impressed upon my heart.  So this year I was somewhat confused, I really could not pin down what was going to be my focus.  I thought about time and how I do a horrible job of managing the time I have when I am not working.  I will waste so much time just watching TV or surfing through Facebook or the internet.  Time that if I would just think about it, I would rather use for writing.

For me, writing is an act of worship.  I had actually said that to a couple of people this past week, and I truly believe it.  Then it hit me in the shower, that if writing is a form of worship and maybe even the best way I worship, I was really screwing up.  I hadn't really written anything in a long time.  So what did that say about my worship?  At this point, if I were Catholic, I would have to go to confession.  So maybe instead of time, my focus would be on writing.  I would flesh out my blog and make changes, add pictures and make it into one of those cool blogs that cool people do.  It was then that God reminded me, that I am less cool than I would like to think.   Well that blew that thought out of the water.  So as I tried to find my focus for Lent, I went to a "worship" night.  There was music, dancing, a few stories and some prayer.  It was really nice, but even more importantly, I think I found my focus.

While there I spoke with some women that I don't usually see during the week.  I was excited to see them, and spoke with both of them about some things that were happening in their lives.  Afterwards, both of these ladies spoke to me about how I had encouraged them that night.  Now, i do not take credit for that, because I know that it is a gift from God.  I mean really, my blood type is B+, even my blood is encouraging.  Maybe that was my focus for this Lent?  Encouragement.  Whether it was something I will write, or making contact by mail, email or phone, I can encourage those around me.  To do this I know I will be writing, and to write, I will need to use my time wisely.  And though my focus will be to encourage others, I know that through that God will use this time to encourage me.  And that is a payoff I cannot refuse!!

Shalom

Not too ago I was watching a documentary about Israel and my curiosity was peaked when they spoke of Yom HaShoah, also known as Holocaust Remembrance Day.  What I found so amazing about it, is that on that day in Israel, at 10:00 in the morning a siren sounds.  At that time, everything stops.  People driving in their cars stop and get out to stand next to their cars.  Everyone stands, and for two minutes they reflect on the death of six million of their people.  I was amazed, as even here in the United States, it is hard to get people to be quiet for a moment of silence, let alone a whole country doing it for two minutes.

In 2014, the date for Yom HaShoah was April 28th, which was yesterday.  I thought about it in the morning before work, and then again when I got home.  To do my own honoring of the day, I watched a documentary about a school in Tennessee and how they had chosen to teach about diversity.  Since the community is predominantly white and Christian, they chose the Holocaust because the Jewish people were very far removed from most of the people they knew.  They started by learning about the history of what happened, but were stumped by one question.  What does six million look like?  They could not wrap their minds around the astounding number of Jews murdered.  So they decided to collect paperclips to get a sense of what that might look like.  The project lasted a couple of years, and not only did the students learn, but even some of the adults.  I was moved to hear an assistant principal speak of how the project had opened his eyes to his own prejudices.  It was a wonderful story of people coming together, of survivors telling their stories,  of children genuinely learning and how an entire community worked together to set up their own memorial site.  When all was said and done, they had collected in the neighborhood of twenty nine million paper clips.  They had obtained a true German railcar, and brought it to Tennessee to house their collection and in doing so gave people a way to honor family and friends through each tiny paperclip.  

As I watched, I wondered about the unity that the siren brings.  Everyone of one accord, putting something bigger than themselves first.  While it did not go into the details, I was amazed by what this school in Tennessee was able to accomplish.  Really?  They brought a rail car from Germany!  That could not have been cheap, but people were so invested in the project that they were compelled to complete it and do it to the best of their abilities.  When they were finished, the school decided to not only honor the six million Jewish dead, but also the additional estimated five million killed by the Nazi's.  This was made up of various groups of people, including those with disabilities, homosexuals, gypsies, Polish and Soviet civilians and Soviet prisoner's of war.

I pray that today, those who remembered their dead are comforted.  I also ask God to continue to open our eyes and hearts, just like He did in this little town in Tennessee.

Happy Easter

I was slightly chastised the other day, as one of the ladies in my office asked why I had not written much during Lent.  It is because, I am an imperfect human, who sometimes finds it hardest to do what is best for themselves.  Although I thought a lot about my "fears" and "faith", I found it hard to put words to the page.  Plus, I am probably a little rebellious, and ignore what is truly important to me more often than not.

So here I am, Easter Sunday.  How did I do this Lent?  Were my fears conquered?  I wish.  I did learn a few things though that I thought I would share.  All fear is not bad.  Some of it comes from your brain before you even know what is happening.  That is the kind that will give you an awareness of people and surroundings.  That is the kind that will help you stay safe.

I am still very scared of heights, that did not change.   As my husband drove us both home from Yosemite down highway 41 earlier this month, I tried to look out over the expanse of trees around the curves, and it just didn't work.  When I did, I got light headed and my heart started to race, the physical sensation of the fear was so overpowering.  I only really looked once, and then after that kept my eyes on the road through the curves.  It was at that moment though that I realized that I could use what I had experienced.  Even if my fear was not gone, it was something that I could use in writing or storytelling in the future.

I also believe that the emotion of fear can be fed.  When I was young, I loved roller coasters and scary movies.  I watched them all, and because of that I believe that some of the fears that I have today were from seeds planted in my childhood.  Brain pathways and fear memories are all being studied, and while most of the information made my eyes cross, some implied that repeated exposure to fear could cause behavioral changes.  I believe it!!

All that being said, it is Easter Sunday and the season of Lent is over.  While I still have fears, I did set out to conquer fear that had been haunting me for a while.  I need to have a specific conversation, and while it has not happened yet, I do have an appointment for later this week.  God was good, and opened up an opportunity to make this happen.  While I still felt the physical reaction of the fear,  heart racing and hands shaking, first and foremost in my mind was the funny way that God had opened the door.  Since the fear was not the foremost thought in my mind, but God's sense of humor was, I guess it made it easier.  So while this is not the end of the story, I believe I have turned a page in my journey.  I am now taking it in faith that God will continue to make me laugh and see me through till the end of this chapter.

Time Flies...but am I having fun?

Tempus Fugit is a Latin  phrase that I had heard before, but only learned the definition of a few weeks ago.  I was going to write about how that all transpired and what it said to me, but I got bogged down in life and never got it done. I had written a whole blog post about it, but every time I went back to edit it, the words just fell flat.  So today I came back to revisit what I had written, and maybe look at it with fresh eyes.  I think I got so bogged down in writing the post and my inadequacy to put the correct words together, that I forgot to really listen to what God was saying to me in the first place.  

Per Wikipedia the definition is "time flees" or more commonly used, "time flies". It is a latin saying and "as such, it expresses concern that one's limited time is being consumed by nothing in particular or by something which may have little intrinsic substance importance or urgency".  The post I had written was all about the crazy way that God had communicated this information to me, but in my rush to write I ignored the message.   This month though, He is not letting me forget.  This month fear and time have collided.  

There is a conversation I would like to have, but  I had been putting off.   It is something that I feel is the next step in my journey, but I am afraid.  Since I am unable to take that next step, I am frozen in place.  So while I try to debate the soundness of that step, time is fleeing. Time is not waiting for me. It continues to march on, being spent as if it were money. And while I can make more money, I cannot make more time.  So now as I fear that time is fleeing, I also am feeling a new fear.  What are the ramifications of running out of time?  What if I am unable to move from my spot to take that next step?  What will I miss out on?  What will I lose?  

I am not sure what the answers are to thse questions, but one thing I am starting to wonder is what should I fear most?  Those unknown answers, or that next step that has me rooted to the spot.  I am not sure, but I am thinking that time is running out either way. 

Fear Knot

A distressing emotion aroused by impending evil, danger or pain.  I looked up the definition of fear today, because as much as I don't want to admit it, many times I am afraid.  While I know that we all face fears throughout our lives, I believe there are times that my fears rule me.  They are so powerful that they stop me from doing something that I otherwise think is the right thing to do.  So, this being the first day of Lent, I have asked God to work on the fears that debilitate me.  I know that I will never totally get rid of fear in my life, but starting today I am seeking the faith to counteract the fear.

Exodus 14:13
Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.


   
 

Little Stories

Recently, I was sending an email to our group of preschool volunteers, and I caught myself making one of those statements that sound like they are off a greeting card.  "Through the years the lessons I teach, are also the lessons that God teaches me through."  Although it was kind of goofy sounding, I left it in there because it truly states how God communicates with me.

It started on the last Sunday of the year.  As I sat in church, our pastor was speaking, and he used how they used to draw maps as an illustration.  The map would only be drawn of what was known at the time.  Beyond that, they would note the danger of the unknown by depicting a dragon.  Here Be Dragons was the name of the sermon.  Illustrating that while we do not know what may be in store for the next year, we can be confident in the truth of God's word.   "For God has said, 'I will never fail you.  I will never abandon you.'  So we can say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear" Hebrews 13:5.

As I sat there listening to the sermon, I pondered how it complimented the lesson I would be teaching later that morning.  We were telling the part of the Christmas story where an angel speaks to Joseph and tells him of impending danger.  To keep that from happening, the whole family would travel secretly to Egypt and stay there until the danger had passed.  Now by this time, Joseph had seen a thing or two.  Angels in dreams, pregnant virgins and God's strange handiwork of a young woman and himself as parents.  The bible does not give a lot of detail, but I am thinking at this point Joseph may have had a problem seeing Egypt as a land of "safety".  Wasn't that the place where God had delivered His people from?  I wondered if this is where Joseph starts thinking "here be dragons"?  Egypt was a big unknown for Joseph, and the history from that country was not one that created warm and fuzzy feelings.  Joseph's thoughts are not known on this subject, and I am just taking a little poetic license.  All we do know, is that Joseph did what the angel told him to do.  These lessons intertwined and created for me a message, giving me peace in my uncertainty, and hope for the coming year.

It is amazing to me that God will take a lesson that is very basic, and one that I have taught a hundred times before and make it into something new.  God seeks to speak with us, and He will use any way we allow Him.  Even through the little stories we share with our kids.

Tears of a clown

So as I enter the new year, like many, I was anticipating all the good goals I wanted to attain.  2013 was a pretty good year for our family.  Not perfect mind you, but it was a year where I can say there was growth.  I can remember driving home on New Years Eve,  thinking about all the good things that would happen in the new year, and it was then it hit me.  There is as much probability that some bad things will happen, as there is that good will happen.  It scared me for a moment, I was afraid I would jinx myself.  It was then I knew what I really wanted in the new year, and it was God's presence.  I thought, "if I have that, it doesn't matter what happens, good or bad".

So January 1st arrived, and I spent the day putting away Christmas, and bringing some sanity back to my household.  It was a nice day where I felt like I had accomplished much and was ready for whatever would come next.  Little did I know that by 9:30 that night I would be in the hospital next to my son, who would be drugged up and waiting for  surgery to be scheduled.  He had a hernia that was causing him extreme pain, and so they were going to address it immediately.  Everyone who saw it commented on how large is was, and after a while it became quite the joke.  While we were confident in the people helping us, the surgery was still a scary prospect to a 26 year old who had never been to the emergency room in his life.  Nothing ever broken, no fever ever too high, not one urgent medical situation in his entire life.  Needless to say, we were all a little scared.  We are now home after a couple of days in the hospital, where everything went flawlessly.  We are so thankful for all the people that took good care of us.   From his friend Kevin, to the nursing staff, the surgeon and even the people who came in to take his food order.

At one point during our days in the hospital, my son had some friends come to visit.  He was doing well, but I really didn't like leaving him alone for long.  Since someone was with him, I decided I could go home and pick up the phone I had forgotten.  "Who forgets their phone?"  I also was hoping to relax just a bit, in anticipation of getting him home.  As I drove down the highway from the hospital to my house, I was able to reflect on my New Year's Eve thoughts.  Did I have my New Years eve wish?  In that moment I knew for sure that I had.  How did I know?  You see, I am a crier.  I cry at everything, whether it is happy or sad, commercials, puppies, movies, basically anything.  If I had lived a past life, I would have been one of those women who would be hired to cry at a funeral.  I cry at everything, and as luck would have it, I am not a pretty crier.  During the past couple of days though, I did not cry.  What is really funny is that I should have.  I was in the hospital, my son was in pain, strapped to every machine that they had and I was exhausted.  Sleeping in a hospital chair is not conducive to rest, along with the fact that I am getting up there in age and the body cannot take what it used to.  I should have had bouts of weeping, but I didn't.  I can only remember two times when I teared up for a moment, but that was it, no real tears.  

It got me thinking, was that a sign of God's presence, my lack of tears?  You see, I make the connection between my tears and God's presence because of what I know about heaven.  The bible only gives so much information, but it does say that we will be in God's presence.  Very cool!   The bible also says that there will be no more tears in heaven.   Secretly, that is what I am looking forward to the most.  So should I expect that if God is with me I will never cry again?  I doubt that, but I do believe that God gave me some reassurance this week.  A message for me, in a convoluted way that I would understand.  It has been a crazy beginning to a new year, but I am thankful for His presence so far, and I am counting on it to continue into the future. 

Encouragement

"Anything worthwhile does not come easily."  I believe that it is a universally accepted thought, but I have only now begun to embrace it as my rallying cry.  There are some things in my life that I am trying to improve, and some better habits I am trying to develop.  While I am striving to do that, most of the time it is hard to make the good choices that will reinforce those habits.  Especially since most of them are long term goals, that need a combination of time and discipline to accomplish.  Two circumstances that I am finding are very hard to bring together. It is at times like this though that I remember that God is able to do exceedingly more than I can ever imagine.

This came to mind this morning as I was star gazing.  It is August and it is the time of year to watch the Perseid meteor shower.  So this morning at 4:30, after making a quick pot of coffee, I laid in the backyard watching the stars.  I was at first disappointed as there seemed to be way too much light, I had no idea where to look, I was starting to get cold and began to fall back asleep.  It was discouraging.  At that point though, I thought to myself "anything worthwhile does not come easy", and since I was up I would continue to gaze.

So I opened my eyes, as I again had been half falling asleep and shifted to look in a different part of the sky.  At that point I saw a meteor streak across a small section of the sky.  It was gorgeous, and electrifying.  It was also a reminder that to reap the benefits, we first have to do the work.  Sometimes, like tonight, you get a quick reward.  More often than not, it is the determination to continue on through circumstances that will bring the true benefits of your efforts.  I thanked God for the reminder, and the encouragement.  I am not sure where you are at today, but keep at it, you can do it.  Keep looking for the small sign that God will give you.  That He is there, and with Him you can get to that goal, develop that habit or make it to that worthwhile place you long to be.

   

Lost or found?

For the past two weeks I have been telling preschool and Kindergarten students about the Prodigal Son.  The story of the younger son who leaves his family, loses everything and comes home to his fathers love and forgiveness.  As I told the story, I was so struck by the outpouring of love from the Father, that I had a hard time getting through the end of the story the first time I told them.

I put myself in the young man's shoes.  Depressed, dejected and with nothing left.  No money, clothes in shreds and no pride.  I pictured him walking home, not even aware of his surroundings, as he walked down the road that was so familiar.  The road he had travelled many times as a favored son, but now as little more than a beggar.   When I told the kids of the fathers reaction, how he had watched for his son, and when he was "still far off" the father ran out to meet him.  How the father tells his son that he is so happy, because it was like his son was lost, but now he is found.  I could have cried right then.  Unfortunately, the kids frown on their teacher crying in front of them, so I was able to get it together and croak out the final words.

 I was amazed again that this is God's love.  Watching for our moment of clarity, when we realize that we need more than ourselves.  He then springs into action to meet us in the midst of our need.  He does not wait till we are "good" enough to be in His presence, He wades out into our mess and pulls us to Himself.

That is important to me, you see I was once "lost" too.  Today, I saw the baptism of many more of us who were once lost, but now are found.  It was an interesting group, there were men, women and children.  Some came with childlike faith, or the conviction to  align themselves with Christ.  There were some though, who looked like they truly knew what horror God had saved them from.  It was encouraging to see such a wonderful mix of people.

You see it does not matter what we look like, we are all at one time lost.  The question is do we allow ourselves to ever found?

Influences

My note for today is What I learned in Sunday school, Or how a bunch of Okies changed my life.  I have been known to come in and teach in a Sunday school class now and then, and just recently I have come to notice some interesting traits that I use when I tell stories.  The more that I looked at what I did, the more I realized how influenced I had been by the people who had taught me while I was a kid.

Every time I tell a story I make sure to tell the kids that it is from the bible.  I let them know that no matter who is teaching them that they need to make sure it is from God's word.  Even as young as 9 years old, I saw the emphasis on having God's word open in front of you.  When we talk about Jesus and His ministry I usually summ it up to the kids very simply.  That Jesus was teaching people about God's great love for us, and His plan to save us.   It goes back to that first verse I ever learned, John 3:16.  Lastly, the one lesson that I have to make sure to remember is that the best lessons are not necessarily ones that a "taught", but the ones that are "caught".

When I was a kid in Sunday school, things were much more basic.  Curriculum was much simpler and not necessarily made for the enjoyment of the kids.  Today we work had to teach them on their level using stories, games and activities.  While I am glad that we do that, because God's word should never be boring for a child, I always remember the lessons that God taught me even in the old days.

Most of all I remember the last lesson.  I know what I am trying to teach that day, but what I really want to know is what the kids "catch" during the time we are together.  You see, when I was in high school, I helped with my first vacation bible school at the church I went to as a child.  I remember the kids, the story of Paul's conversion and time spent together in class.  When the week was over, the woman who was teaching the small class of girls asked "what did you like best"?   When it was my turn, I answered honestly that the best part of the week was learning the needlepoint that she had taught us.  I could tell that she really did not like my original answer.  She gently steered me to answer something more "appropriate", like how I enjoyed the story.  I don't remember it bugging me too much, but it was a little embarassing.  Looking back though, it taught me something very important.   Sometimes that most important thing I can do in the hour I have with these children, is to just be with them.  Sharing my time, attention and the love that God has given me for them.  To validate what they felt, learned or liked that day, even if it wasn't the bible point.   You see she had it wrong.  My original answer was a good one, because it was truth.  What she did not see is that a young lady had been impressed with someone using their gifts for God, even when the gift was needlepoint.  That is a biblical teaching, it just may not have been the one that they had intended me to learn.  That is how I see these kids.  They may not get the application I am trying to teach, but  if they feel God's love during that time, I know that they are learning exactly what they need to.

Closer than we care to think?

So I overheard a conversation the other day. A woman was relating the story of how when she gets to work she makes sure to set the alarm on her car. She does that to wake up the people who had been sleeping in their car at a local parking lot. She made it clear to the woman she was talking to that of course she was locking her car, but that she intentionally armed it so it would honk. Thus waking the those in the car because "they should be up anyway". That night I watched a movie made in the thirties called "The Black Legion". It stars Humphrey Bogart as a regular guy who gets passed over for a promotion that is then given to an immigrant. This sets him up for recruitment by an organization that is like the KKK in beliefs. It is a movie that shows the transition of this man from a good guy who just wants to provide the best for his family to an arrogant, mean bully. Eventually he is so caught up in the hatred that surrounds him, that his wife leaves him and he winds up killing the only real friend he has. It made me wonder, How far is the road between the careless words of the woman and the actions of the character in the film? It rung a bell because the character in the movie started his downward spiral because of something very small. Words. They were the hateful words of others that he listened to and accepted, and it reminded me of the callous sounding words I had heard earlier in the day. The woman seemed to think it was funny to wake these people up, that it was not a big deal to show such a small unkindness. The question begs to be answered, how far is it from something small, like a few words, to something that hurts feelings? Or hurts physically? How far do we travel before it becomes something bad, even evil? I am still not sure, but I wonder if it is shorter than we care to think. "The tongue has the power of life and death...". Proverbs 18:21...

The kindness of strangers....

On Sunday the pastor taught on grace, using the story of Mephibosheth from the bible. It is a story where David, who is king, grants a place at his table to the grandson of the man who tried to kill him. It showed how this king who had all the power, granted kindness to someone when he did not need to. As I sat there I thought about grace. I know about the grace of God and how he has saved me, but what amazes me even more is the grace that He pours out on me that allows me to be kind to people. It gives me the ability to love those who are unloveable, or better yet to love people I am unloveable. To see that kindness is a better action than anything else I can do. I had to go to the grocery store on Sunday and it was pretty busy. I had finally filled up my cart and was standing in line waiting to put all my stuff on the conveyor. As I stood there I noticed a lady behind me who had one of those small baskets filled with food. I wondered why she was in the line behind me and not in the express check out. My first thought was to just go ahead and get all my groceries on the conveyor, you see she had the option to go into the express line and get checked out quicker, as where I could only stay in the line where everyone had a cart full of groceries. It also brought back a memory of another time, when there was a woman who in the exact same situation asked if she could go in front of me. What was I to say? NO. She had a couple of things in her little basket while I had a cart full of food. She though, could have gone to the express check out, but the three people in that line was just too much for her I guess. So of course I let her go, I did not want to appear to be unkind. Then the lady goes ahead and does not even say thank you. Ugh. That incident alone bothered me for hours. What am I talking about, it still bothers me. So here I am again, remembering that day where someone presumed on my kindness and did not even say thanks. As I stood there though, I thought that today was somewhat different. Instead of someone presuming on my kindness, I was in the position to give it. That made a whole lot of difference for me. So as I started to load my groceries on the conveyor, I asked the lady if she would like to go ahead of me. She asked if I was sure, and it was then that I noticed that she was pregnant. "Of course", I told her, as I made some room for her to put her load down. I hoped she could not see my expression as I was somewhat embarrassed that I even delayed in asking her to go ahead of me. That is the grace that I like, the type that so overflows from what God gives to me that I can extend it to others. Where I don't have to worry about anything other than being what I want to be, kind. It may not sound like much, but for me, it is everything.

Viva La Revolution II

I was watching the news one morning and was listening to a young man describe the horrors he had seen while in Syria. The people have begun a revolution seeking freedom. As I sat there listening, he told of a comment his friend made in reference to the president of the country. His friend stated that "Satan would be better in his place". I was so struck by the comment that I went back days later to verify that I had heard him correctly. Now, I am not sure if he really believes in Satan or not, and I really did not think that the young man wanted him in charge of Syria. It seems to me what he was saying was that even someone as horrible as Satan, would be better than the president that they have now. How bad must the conditions be to say that? I cannot even imagine. That to me sounds like a man who has seen much suffering, and when hope for normal avenues of conflict resolution fail we are left with revolution. Now this is not a discourse on Syria, but on revolution. I like the word. Not really the "violent upheaval," but more the "revolving around to come back to a single point." As I was looking at the definitions today, I was struck how the two definitions play on each other. We use revolution to describe how governments are overthrown. Many times the "revolution" is due to injustice, inequality or plain old terror. The only problem with that kind of revolution is that it is only a "revolution" to the exact same place with different people playing the lead role. They wind up trading one repressive regime for another. Change is good, and history has shown that revolution is sometimes needed. How though do we keep the revolution from becoming just what we were fighting against? I watched a baptism today of five students, and I was again reminded of revolution. When Jesus came to this earth, He was a revolutionary. Although His intention was not to be the violent upheaval of a government, but a revolutionary change in how we relate to God and each other. These kids are revolutionary. I look forward to their growth, change and maturing into leaders. Those who will take this revolution of loving God with all their heart, mind, soul, strength and loving their neighbors as much as they love themselves further than ever before. The great thing about this revolution is that if they come back to the start, all they are going to find is Jesus. The same one yesterday, today and forever.

Hope and disappointment....

So what did I expect when I chose to forego fear? Would I write words of encouragement? Somthing that would be enlightening, inspirational or make people think. My visions of banishing my fears were quickly dashed as God revealed exactly what we were working on first. It was a hurdle that I was not even expecting. It was a tough week for me. Although I was excited for the first day of Lent to come, I was a little behind at work. On Wednesday night I was able to write my first blog entry and was very happy with the outcome. That should have been my first indication that I would face problems. It is that whole Elijah syndrome. God does something that only He can do, and the next thing you know you are knocked off the mountaintop and spiraling into the valley. The problem was that I had to stay up late to finish writing, and so on Thursday I was going to work on less sleep. Now some people can do that, but I do not live well on limited sleep. I tend to get a headache, or even worse I get cranky. When I say cranky, what I really mean is that I get angry very easily. So now my desk is a disaster area and my mind is not in a good place. I was angered easily, and while I was able to keep the anger from spilling over onto the people around me it ate me alive. How could I work on not being fearful when I was dealing with such anger? Even worse, I could not get my mind past it. As I thought about how I started the week, with such high hopes for Lent, I was so disappointed that I was dealing with this anger and not dealing with my fears. It was then that I thought that maybe it was fear that I was dealing with. Maybe the fear was that I would have to humble myself to those around me. To not expect someone to change to suit me, but to change my own reaction to what happens around me. The fear that comes from putting someone else before yourself, and the risk we take of them taking advantage of that position. Maybe the fear had to do with trusting God to handle the situation and change the person who had angered me, or even worse letting Him change me if I was the problem. All I really knew for sure was that wallowing in my anger was not getting me anywhere. So I decided that I wanted to do what would make the situation better, and the only way I knew to do that would be to forgive any perceived offenses and trust God to make it better. We will see how this week goes. Not much has changed from last week, except that I am getting to bed early and I am trusting God to give me the attitude that I will need.