"Acceptable levels"

I have been aware lately of how I speak about other people. It was sparked by a verse in the bible from the book of James. In chapter 3 the writer starts talking about the tongue, and the power it has. The verses that caught my attention were in regards to how we can speak both "blessings and curses" from the same mouth.

I was intrigued. I am basically a nerd, who loves words. Since I have started writing in this blog, my hope is that it may somehow encourage other people. So if I am taking the verses literally, I wonder how the good things I may say are affected by those that may be less than good.

Now to be clear, sometimes I have a habit of being critical or sarcastic. What comes out of my mouth is less than stellar. Although, this is not a case of being mean straight to someone's face. It is more about my mouth, than anyone hearing what I say. So can I expect God to honor the blessings I may speak and ignore the junk?

Where I live, there is arsenic in the water. They test it periodically and send out a report to the general public. We have what is termed "acceptable levels" of arsenic in the water. So even though we have arsenic, it still falls into the governments parameters of what we as humans can live with.

It does not matter how much arsenic is in the water. Once there is a trace, it is no longer clean. So I am thinking, what would be my choice? Clear water with no arsenic, or water with acceptable levels? The choice is clear, I want the clean water. I want the water that in 50 years, no one is going to come to me and say that it wasn't as acceptable as they thought. That the bad may outweigh the good in the water and there may be consequences further down the road.

I guess I feel the same way about my words. I do not want to be at the end of my life and find that the thoughtless criticism I so casually dropped, polluted the meaning of what I really wanted to say. That the snide sarcasm and wit was hurtful. That instead of building up, all it did was tear down. And for me...I just don't find that "acceptable" anymore.

So long insecurity...

Because I felt that insecurity was such a drain on my life, God granted me enough wisdom to read a new book by Beth Moore called "So long insecurity. You have been a bad friend to me." I also attended a video simulcast that was broadcast in April. I have been pondering how to put this book and simulcast into practice in a real way. God is good...so I wanted to share a small but real victory that I had the other day.

My husband had been gone on a business trip for the week, and like any good wife, I took the opportunity to do some shopping. I found the cutest little sundress that made me happy. While it is not slinky or form fitting, it is cute and comfortable and perfect for summer. When my husband returned, I put on my new sundress and settled down to watch some baseball. I did say I was a good wife. At some point I felt the need for validation, so I stood up next to my husband and said "don't I look cute in my new sundress?" He of course proceeded to compare it to a potato sack. I believe I mentioned that it was not form fitting, didn't I. I did not immediately run out of the room, nor did I start to cry at that point. As I thought of it, I was hurt that he could not say one nice thing. At that point tears did spring forth. It had been a long week without him. It was then God asked me a question. "Why did you need that validation in the first place?" Well, why did I? I felt good in the sundress. What more validation did I need than that? I forgave him without him knowing it. I figured that I had somewhat set myself up for the hurt. I mean, he is just a man. I was looking for a specific answer, and he was not playing the same game.

So two days later when I came home from work, he was sitting on the couch using his computer. I went back to my room and thought about how much I liked the outfit I had worn that day. So the first thought in my mind was to go and "ask" my husband if I looked cute. I could not believe I was doing it again! Looking for validation from the same man who had unwittingly hurt me two nights before.

So instead I strutted out into the living room, swinging my hips all the way, and announced to my husband that I looked cute today. I let him know that I was not asking him if I looked cute, but was telling him that I did! I then strutted back to my room, laughing all the way. Leaving my husband sitting there shaking his head, but with a grin on his face.

I felt free! I was then able to share with him that my feelings had been hurt, and he was able to let me know that putting him in that situation made him feel stupid and insincere. A victory for both of us.

Not keeping my fingers crossed...

As the week started I was tired and in pain. Then the car had problems, the weather was horrible and the tax man called. The dentist had bad news, the bills are due and there is not enough time in the day for everything that has to be done. As I did my bible study and the example of Job was used, I felt some connection to the man who had to bear so much. Not so much in severity, but in how one thing after another came up to weigh me down.

After pouting for some time, my mind went to the fact that I should be happy. Well I thought, it could be worse. So many others had many more serious problems than mine. My mind though rebelled against that thought. I should be happy, because God is good, not because someone had it worse than I did. I should be happy because I have hope.

Each problem could be resolved with money, time or blessing. Or a combination of the three. I had been through these same things before, and every time God has brought my family through it. It may take time, work and may not be the exact outcome that I want, but I know that these things will end.

I have hope. Not the keep your fingers crossed hope, but the kind that is based on a promise of God. He knows His plans for me, and those plans include my future and my hope.

Let me count the ways.....

Every day, I am surprised by what God uses to encourage me.

I love words, so for me I try to share encouragement through the written word. Sometimes it is in this blog, or it may be an email and even sometimes it is a good old fashion card that comes snail mail. I do this as a form of worship.

Not everyone loves words though. I think of the article of a young woman who opened a new dance studio. What caught my eye, was the fact that she is using it as an expression of her love for God. She is teaching dance, as a medium to encourage grace, faith and self-esteem.

Then there is the young teacher at my son's school. She, along with some friends of hers, are using photography as their means of expression. As I look at their photos and comments, I am excited by their unique worship of God.

Three different people with three different forms of worship. For me, that is not only encouraging, but extremely exciting. Each person gifted with a unique way to glorify a truly unique God.

Ready...set...Lent

It is that time of the year again... Not being catholic, I do not observe a traditional Lenten season, but I do like idea of being reflective during the time leading up to Easter.

So for the next 40 or so days, I am going to focus on encouragement. I am going to be looking for things that encourage me, and share them in the hope that they will encourage you.

So...what encouraged me this morning?

It is the fact that God's grace trumps my sin. I cannot do something so wrong, that is past His ability to forgive. Gotta love grace!!

Ummm Good...

I heard a woman once teach, "Do not be spoon fed the Gospel." That thought strikes me now as it did then, as a principle that I wanted to live by. Don't get me wrong, we have, and I listen to, some fantastic Bible teachers. In my church in books and on the radio. I am now just starting a new Bible study and I am so excited to see how God will teach me through it. BUT... God has also given to me the best Bible teacher I could ever have, and it is His spirit that lives in me.

I read a devotional yesterday that was really beautiful. So this morning I started by going back to the verse that was used and started reading. It is a familiar passage of scripture and I have read and heard teaching on it before. Today though it was a little different. There is a portion that I have often heard, "For you will always have the poor with you." A statement made by Jesus in response to criticism from people, when a woman "wasted" money by using a vial of perfume on Jesus instead of selling to give to the poor.

Today though as I was reading it, I realized that the statement was only part of the sentence. That one portion says, "For you will always have the poor with you, and whenever you wish you can do good to them". There is a little more to that verse, but it was the second part of the statement that caught my eye. It spoke to me, "Whenever I wish I can do good to them."

So as I think about the second part to that verse, I start to feel like I did not have the whole story. "Hey, even Jesus said that there would always be poor people". So I will do what I can, I am not rich. I can give some old clothes, maybe some money and those small household goods I don't need anymore and I will have done my part. That just doesn't seem good enough to me anymore? I don't believe that this is the time I am going to "save the world", but I do believe that God is changing my heart for something. Not sure what it is though?

What am I sure of? It is that God wants to speak to us, all of us. I am grateful that God's spirit, that is in me, got me going this morning. Reminded me to sit down, open the word and shut up for a few minutes today. So that He could show me something good.

What's in a name?

I saw my name in the paper today. It was in an article about a man who spends time with homeless people. He brings food, clothing and friendship to a population that live outside the "norm". It was a nice article, but what really caught my attention was the mention of a homeless woman who had died. Her name was Cheryl Mendoza.

They just briefly mentioned her, and the fact that she was run over by a train in November. Since I was reading an online newspaper, I did a search of our name and it brought up an article that reported Cheryl's death when it had occurred. In some ways we were alike. The article spoke of how she grew up in San Jose, was a great cook and loved to read. Three things we very much had in common. Then there were the details of her life that were very different from mine. Of how she was homeless, loved vodka, and how she died. The article was not all sad. They did speak with those who knew her, and had befriended her. Even in a life that is out of the "norm", she had a circle of friends.

It is strange to see your own name, with the details of another's life attached to it. Especailly one that seems so tragic. What led her to a life on the streets? Loving vodka? With an end, that seems to me, to be too soon. It makes me wonder, why am I the Cheryl with the normal life? How did I wind up sitting in my warm living room, while she was sleeping under a bridge? I know many people think they have the answer to questions like that. I read a myriad of opinions that people wrote in response to the article. As for me, I am not so sure of the answer.

I know there have been times in my life that were right on track, when I have followed the rules, worked hard and then the bottom fell out from under my feet. At other times I have been wildly successful, all by accident. Or more likely I should say, by grace.

I do think of Cheryl though, and the people who will miss her. My life may be deemed by society as more acceptable than hers, but you cannot find fault with the impact she had on those around her. They spoke of her with affection and love. In that facet of our lives, I hope I am more like her than not.