Because I felt that insecurity was such a drain on my life, God granted me enough wisdom to read a new book by Beth Moore called "So long insecurity. You have been a bad friend to me." I also attended a video simulcast that was broadcast in April. I have been pondering how to put this book and simulcast into practice in a real way. God is good...so I wanted to share a small but real victory that I had the other day.
My husband had been gone on a business trip for the week, and like any good wife, I took the opportunity to do some shopping. I found the cutest little sundress that made me happy. While it is not slinky or form fitting, it is cute and comfortable and perfect for summer. When my husband returned, I put on my new sundress and settled down to watch some baseball. I did say I was a good wife. At some point I felt the need for validation, so I stood up next to my husband and said "don't I look cute in my new sundress?" He of course proceeded to compare it to a potato sack. I believe I mentioned that it was not form fitting, didn't I. I did not immediately run out of the room, nor did I start to cry at that point. As I thought of it, I was hurt that he could not say one nice thing. At that point tears did spring forth. It had been a long week without him. It was then God asked me a question. "Why did you need that validation in the first place?" Well, why did I? I felt good in the sundress. What more validation did I need than that? I forgave him without him knowing it. I figured that I had somewhat set myself up for the hurt. I mean, he is just a man. I was looking for a specific answer, and he was not playing the same game.
So two days later when I came home from work, he was sitting on the couch using his computer. I went back to my room and thought about how much I liked the outfit I had worn that day. So the first thought in my mind was to go and "ask" my husband if I looked cute. I could not believe I was doing it again! Looking for validation from the same man who had unwittingly hurt me two nights before.
So instead I strutted out into the living room, swinging my hips all the way, and announced to my husband that I looked cute today. I let him know that I was not asking him if I looked cute, but was telling him that I did! I then strutted back to my room, laughing all the way. Leaving my husband sitting there shaking his head, but with a grin on his face.
I felt free! I was then able to share with him that my feelings had been hurt, and he was able to let me know that putting him in that situation made him feel stupid and insincere. A victory for both of us.
