Saturday morning was hard for me. I have been feeling a little overwhelmed for the past few weeks with the life I have chosen to live. I am trying to be the person I believe I was created to be, but sometimes I don't like it. It is not easy. Sometimes I want to eat the wrong thing or say what I think no matter what it is, or to just waste my money. I know that would not make me happy for long, or help me achieve the goals I have set for myself. Like I said, it is hard. Back to Saturday.... It was going to be hot, and I don't mean the heat you sit by the pool and enjoy, it was the type of heat that melts brains. Typically on Saturday morning, I make my weekly trek to the Wal Mart to do our grocery shopping. I do this religiously, so that I can try and control our food costs. It is one of those things that I have chosen to do for the benefit of our family budget. I try not to be a martyr, but sometimes I don't believe that I am appreciated for my effort. So I got up early, because I just do naturally, but I messed around before I decided to get going. Now I wasn't worried about the heat, because I typically take my husbands car. You see, my air conditioner in my van is not working. Since I am saving up to buy a new car, I don't really care to fix it. Even in the heat, it is not so bad because I only drive it to and from work. That small trip only takes fifteen minutes and I can take the heat for that short a time when I drive home. On Saturday though, I was looking forward to air conditioning. I did not stop to think though that my husband had someplace to be that morning, and that he would be using his car. When I realized that he would be taking his own vehicle, I was sorely irritated. Even worse was the reason he needed his car. He was going to play volleyball. Really? A game? Did he not realize what I was doing? I was going to go and carefully plan and execute a shopping trip for the benefit of our family. I was doing this so that we all can be fed, have personal care products and stay within our budget. All of this will eventually help us to pay off our debt, save money and retire with dignity. Volleyball, really? I told you I have to work hard to not be a martyr.
So I drove to the store, with the windows down suffering in the warmth. I am not sure if the warmth was worse from the outside, or from the heat generated by my irritation. I then drove into the parking lot looking for a good spot, and of course I could not find one. One with a little shade, not too close to the building and preferably no one in the facing spot so I can drive right out when done. Really? Who has such precise requirements for a parking spot? I guess I do. Since the perfect spot was not available, I found an acceptable one, parked and got to shopping. It was at that time that I realized that it was a day where everything was going wrong, and it was probably due to my attitude. I really just wanted to have a nice day, and I knew I had to choose not to be irritated with my husband anymore. So as I shopped, I plugged in my headphones and listened to some sermons. There is a Pastor, Andy Stanley, that I will listen to a lot. He is a great storyteller, and there is nothing I like better than a good story. By the time I was ready to pay I was in a good mood and had pretty much left my irritation behind. I found a line that was not very long, and was joined by some people behind me. I started to load some groceries on the belt, but stopped when I noticed an older lady behind me. She was using one of those walkers and had only about three items. So I decided to let her go ahead of me and made some room on the conveyer so that she could put her items up ahead of mine. She thanked me and said she would do something nice for me some day. I just kind of laughed. I don't know how she could, because I didn't even know her. I told her though that she was helping me, because I needed to do something nice to combat my crankiness. She laughed at my honesty, and said she should come home with me. The problem, I told her, was that she would then have to put up with my family and they had already made my cranky. It was then that she told me she had no one left. Her husband and sisters had already passed on. She only had a nephew to come by and help her out. We continued to chat until she checked out, and it was at that time I realized how blessed I am.
While my family might irritate me at times, they also bring me such joy, they help teach me, they make me want to be better and they make me laugh. Even if there are times that they make me crazy, they are mine. I am sure this woman's family irritated her along the way, but since they are gone none of that matters anymore. It was the way she talked, I knew she would take the good with the bad, if they were just back with her. I felt blessed by talking to her, and I was thankful that my attitude had changed. I thought about what would have happened if I had not let go of my irritation. Would I have had the same type of meeting with this woman? Would I have been on the receiving end of a blessing from her? I don't know, but I am glad that God opened the door for our conversation.
