Saturday, September 10, 2011

September 10

It is 8:52 on September 10, 2011. In eight minutes it will be midnight, September 11th on the east coast, in New York. It has been ten years since that horrific Tuesday morning when so many people lost their lives. So as we come to this anniversary, I stop to just ponder the day, the people who lost their lives and just what it means to me.

I am blessed that I did not lose a loved one on that day, but as I think of those who did I pray that God has given them comfort and peace. Those who died that day could have been any of us, they were us, they were Americans. So I try to think, how do I remember them? I am just one woman, how can I do their memory justice? Such was the magnitude of pain and grief, that I feel inadequate to do anything that would suffice. It is then that God reminds me that it is the little things that make the difference. So for me, I am going to do the little things.

I am going to cry and mourn with those who are mourning. I am going to laugh, play and enjoy my friends and family. I am going to watch football tomorrow and sing the Star Spangled Banner, loudly and unashamedly. We will celebrate birthdays, holidays, weddings and births. Go to church, sing, pray and worship. I plan on being an American!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Till I get where I am going...

It is funny how life altering journey's start with what seems like a normal day. I was struck by the fact this morning as I was watching the movie "Soul Surfer". It is the story of Bethany Hamilton, who at the age of thirteen was attacked by a shark while surfing. Her story shows a young lady of faith and how she meets head on the adversity she is presented with. The scene that stood out in my mind was when she went to Thailand after a tsunami had devastated the region. In the scene she is being told a woman's story of when the tsunami hit. "It started out as a normal day" the translator says. The actress who plays Bethany gets a look on her face, as if she is remembering that day that Had started off so normal for her, but ended with a life threatening injury and a future changed forever. In that changed future though, she was alive and so her journey began.

My mind has been on journeys lately, and this morning has been no different. I am sick today, so instead of getting up and walking on the treadmill, I decided that I should take something and lay down to try and get rid of the splitting headache I am dealing with. I turned on Joyce Meyer so that I could just lay there, listen and maybe even fall asleep. While listening, I was struck by what she was speaking about. I do not remember much, but I remember her speaking about being in the middle. On a journey there is a beginning, a middle and an end. Usually at the beginning we are ready to take our journey. We may be excited or if it is a case like Bethany's, motivated to proceed. Either way there are motivating feelings that make you look to the future with hope. We all seek the end of the journey, because that is usually where the payoff is located. What about the middle though? While we are in the middle we may seem far from those first feelings of excitement, and a long ways from the allure of the goal.

How do we stay motivated to succeed when we are in the middle? Well, at this time I feel like I have camped out in the middle. I want to move, but I have been confused. Worried. How will I move forward from this spot? What will it look like, and how will it be received? All of those questions have been asked and more. While I have asked the questions, I have not found answers to them. What I am finding is that I do not have answers to my questions, because i am asking the wrong questions. This morning reassured me of that. How do I survive the middle? By looking for direction, and take it one step at a time. By not being satisfied with the middle. Sometimes it starts to feel comfortable and looks inviting in the middle. The middle though is not the place where I belong.

My favorite song right now is one by Bob Marley. This morning tells me again how God loves me. He takes the things that speak to me and connects them together to form a picture. The song is called "Exodus", speaking of another journey. I have been listening to it a good deal this week, and I looked to find a version online. I found one done by Carlos Santanna and as I watched the youtube version was struck again by the journey. In this version of the song there are various solo's done by the band members. All while Carlos with non verbal cues prompts various musicians to play solo's at different parts of the song. At one point the man at the piano, the fantastic Herbie Hancock, starts to play some different notes that at first sound somewhat discordant to me. As you continue to listen though, he brings these notes into line and eventually brings the music right where it meets up with the other musicians. Again...another moment in the middle. It reminded me of life. We start this journey off like the song, musicians and vocalists all in harmony making a sound that is smooth and flowing. Then in the middle we hear some rougher notes, some left turns and we wonder what happened to our smooth and flowing journey, but in the end the Master Composer is bringing in this melody to it's gorgeous ending with fluidity and grace.

That is what helps me survive the middle. Knowing that even these tweaky notes are adding to the melody of the song that is my life. ok...that is kinda corny, but you get the message.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Barriers...

I got mad this morning. It was because I read an article about some rioting that is going on in England. In the article, the gentleman went on about the "have's and have not's". How he could see why these people might riot, hurt people, and steal because of their lot in life. That they were stealing that flat screened tv because they could never afford to buy it. He went on of course to condemn their actions, and stated that all those who are caught should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

It really did not set well with me. I was so irritated by his article, but at first I could not figure out why?. Then it hit me, he seemed to view these people as unable to do the right thing because they were poor and uneducated. That because they did not have much in life, they were unable to resist the temptation of stealing those electronics or taking out some frustration on someone else's property. He grouped them all together whether he intended to or not, and that did not set right with me.

While there were many people out on the streets, from all accounts that I have read, there were many more at home. Those neighbors that would also be considered "have nots", were not on the streets setting fires, looting or defying police. They were home with their families behind the safety of locked doors, or like some they banded together to protect their neighborhoods. These people, who are in the same socio economic class as those causing the problems, knew that what was happening outside was not something that they wanted to be a part of.

His article seemed flawed. Once again we have grouped an entire population of people together, and assume that they will think and act
the same. Haven't we learned that within the group there are differing opinions, personalities and morals. That grouping people together, while it makes us feel like we can then understand the "group" and it's problems, all it really does is build a barrier that pits us against them.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Wake up......

So someone asked me earlier this month if I was joking after I had posted a comment to fb. So after going through my blog and seeing that this subject had yet to be written about, I decided to finally put words to paper.

You see, May is Zombie Appreciation Month. So I posted my favorite zombie verse, Ephesians 5:14, and reminded people of the unique remembrance of the month. Her response of "you have to be joking" was quite appropriate except that for me zombies are creatures of utmost interest.

You see when I was very young, I made the mistake of watching "Night of the Living Dead". Even worse was the fact that my Aunt, who we used to visit a lot, lived right around the corner from the cemetery. For years after I was never fully comfortable at her house after dark. Also, as a teenager in the 80's a few new zombie movies were released, and I again was reminded to lock the doors at night.

So how has my appreciation for zombies made such a dramatic turn? Well it all happened with a little movie named "Shaun of the Dead". I was alone one day, and while flipping through the channels I caught the end of this movie. It was silly and inappropriate, but I sat and watched the young man "Shaun" go from a slacker to a hero. All while fighting zombies trying to rescue family and friends. A zombie movie with a message, or something like that. Well, I enjoyed it enough that when it was on again I sat down to watch from the beginning. It was then that I saw the scene that made me love this movie. There are actually two scenes and they are both nearly identical except for one detail, and that is zombies.

In the first instance we see Shaun walking his route to the store passing people as they each go about their daily business. He barely notices them, let alone having any meaningful interaction with them. It is not so obvious the first time you see it, but the next day when he goes to the store again it becomes painfully clear. We see a man who is so wrapped up in his little world that he does not even see the chaos around him.

It struck me as comical that our hero was living the life of a zombie, except for the eating of flesh part. He did the same things every day, worked the same job, went to the same pub, kept the same lazy friend and expected his girlfriend and family to accept his careless attitude. Our hero knew that he needed to make some changes, but he did not have the courage to do them. That is until the zombies struck and he had to be courageous to save family, friends and himself.

That is why I like zombies now. They remind me that if I am not careful, I can live just as dead of a life as a zombie. Walking through my days accepting shallow relationships, giving as little of myself as possible and hiding from the challenges God has for me. All of these things that make me a part of society and hopefully a light in this world. So as the month of May comes to a close I would again ask you to remember Ephesians 5:14....."Awake sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you".

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Oh say can you see.......

So it is really a poem, that was then set to a drinking song and would eventually became our national anthem. As I sit here and listen to another person perform it at a national event, I become nostalgic for that old drinking song. You see, the one thing about a drinking song is that you never sing it alone.

Today the national anthem is predominantly sung as a solo. At sporting events, graduations or public celebrations, we look to see who has the coveted role of national anthem singer. Many times it becomes more of a performance for the singer, than a moment. What kind of moment you may ask? Well that is for each person to decide.

For me, when I hear the "Star Spangled Banner" I think of what our flag stands for at it's most pure representation, freedom and equality. So when the anthem is played, I put my hand over my heart and sing along. The only problem is that I am one of the few that do. Now, I can carry a tune, but I cannot sing the national anthem like a pro, or even a semi-pro for that matter. That is not what is important though. What I do think is important is the unity that the song and the flag represent. The seperate stars, stripes, states and people coming together to agree on the ideals that our country was founded upon. Ideals that have been missed many times, but must be strived for regardless.

It was a song that was not meant to be sung alone. It is our flag and our anthem. So when you hear the music begin, don't be shy. On this Memorial Day, I would encourage you to lift your voice with those around you to give due to our flag, and those who gave all for it.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Thinking of Wes

I was thinking of my son yesterday at lunch time and the sadness that I know was a small part of his day. I was at lunch and like I do many days I stop to check FaceBook to see what is happening while I have been working.

My son had posted a message that morning regarding a young man that had committed suidice recently. He made a simple statement that spoke volumes. "Thinking about Wes." That was all it said. He also posted a video to a song by one of his favorite bands, Hawk Nelson. I tried to watch the video, but it did not play on my phone. So being the fantastically cool mom I am, I checked my ipod and saw that the song was there, so I stopped to listen. Did I mention I was fantastically cool?

As I listened, I was again struck by the sadness of this boys death and the pain that is left in it's wake. The song at one point explodes with rage and sadness as the singer vents his frustrations by yelling his questions of why. It is heart wrenchingly honest. It was also a reminder to me that I had neglected to write. And so that is what I am doing.

The funeral is long past, and it was well attended. Recently though I was went to the school to witness a dedication of a bench in memory of Wes. It was done by a some students and a teacher who had taught him during his time in high school. As I stood there I was encouraged by the words this man spoke. He told us of how he was approached by students wanting to do something, who needed to do something. So together they built the bench. The symbolism they built into the bench was not accidental. From the knots in the wood to the color of the pine, each detail had a message to impart to everyone who would see the bench.

While the bench itself was encouraging, the dedication was somewhat sad. Only a handful of people showed up to see the bench and to hear the words of his teacher, his youth pastor and his mother. Only a few of us heard of the symbolism of the bench that was only made to hold two people. Just enough room for two people to share the the frustrations, fears, and burdens of life. A place where you would not be judged for the words you say, but supported and cared for even if you were not totally understood. That is what the bench is for, a place to be heard and not judged, a place of grace.

I prayed for that bench, not the bench itself, but for the message it contained. You see, I really did not know Wes personally, but he could have been my son. He could have been any of ours. I hope that when my own children come to a time when they need to talk, that there is someone to whom they feel they can talk to. I hope it would be me, but I am too realistic for that. So the message of that bench is important to me. Important as a woman who hopes for the best for the youth in our community, but even more so as a mother who hopes for the best for her sons.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Wake up ......

So someone asked me earlier this month if I was joking after I had posted a comment to fb. So after going through my blog and seeing that this subject had yet to be written about, I decided to finally put words to paper.

You see, May is Zombie Appreciation Month. So I posted my favorite zombie verse, Ephesians 5:14, and reminded people of the unique remembrance of the month. Her response of "you have to be joking" was quite appropriate except that for me zombies are creatures of utmost interest.

You see when I was very young, I made the mistake of watching "Night of the Living Dead". Even worse was the fact that my Aunt, who we used to visit a lot, lived right around the corner from the cemetery. For years after I was never fully comfortable at her house after dark. Also, as a teenager in the 80's a few new zombie movies were released, and I again was reminded to lock the doors at night.

So how has my appreciation for zombies made such a dramatic turn? Well it all happened with a little movie named "Shaun of the Dead". I was alone one day, and while flipping through the channels I caught the end of this movie. It was silly and inappropriate, but I sat and watched the young man "Shaun" go from a slacker to a hero. All while fighting zombies trying to rescue family and friends. A zombie movie with a message, or something like that. Well, I enjoyed it enough that when it was on again I sat down to watch from the beginning. It was then that I saw the scene that made me love this movie. There are actually two scenes and they are both nearly identical except for one detail, and that is zombies.

In the first instance we see Shaun walking his route to the store passing people as they each go about their daily business. He barely notices them, let alone having any meaningful interaction with them. It is not so obvious the first time you see it, but the next day when he goes to the store again it becomes painfully clear. We see a man who is so wrapped up in his little world that he does not even see the chaos around him.

It struck me as comical that our hero was living the life of a zombie, except for the eating of flesh part. He did the same things every day, worked the same job, went to the same pub, kept the same lazy friend and expected his girlfriend and family to accept his careless attitude. Our hero knew that he needed to make some changes, but he did not have the courage to do them. That is until the zombies struck and he had to be courageous to save family, friends and himself.

That is why I like zombies now. They remind me that if I am not careful, I can live just as dead of a life as a zombie. Walking through my days accepting shallow relationships, giving as little of myself as possible and hiding from the challenges God has for me. All of these things that make me a part of society and hopefully a light in this world. So as the month of May comes to a close I would again ask you to remember Ephesians 5:14....."Awake sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you".

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

What I saw in the box.

Lent is over. Easter is over for that matter, but I have finally come to end my Lenten blog. I am a couple of days late, but I do not believe in coincidences, so I am thinking that I am late for a reason. I was surprised the week before Easter by my co-workers. They had generously gathered up cans and packaged food to add onto my donation as a surprise to me. I was very surprised!! It is hard to keep secrets in our office, but they did a great job this time. I was touched by their kindness, and excited that I would have a full box of food to donate to Lemoore Christian Aid.

Isn't that what is all about? Each of us doing something that seperately is good, but collectively is amazing. That is the message I saw in that box.

Like I said earlier, I don't believe in coincidences. Within the last five days there have been tragic events that have affected two small communities in our area. Each story is filled with pain and the loss of life way before their time. In the aftermath we are seeing people from the small towns that are right next to each other, rise up to support families they don't even know from neighborhoods where they don't even live. Many people doing a little bit to help, that put together with everyone else is becoming amazing.

This will not wipe away the pain of loss that these families must face. What we pray is that the help they receive will give them the ability to put their focus where it really belongs. To the business of mourning and eventually healing.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Encouragement.

So it is Wednesday morning and I have done my duty. I was in Monterey on Monday all day, as a chaperon with my son's school. So when I went back to work on Tuesday, I was planning on delivering my can. At about 10:30 my husband sent me an email and asked if I had made sure going to lunch at 12:30 would be good. I then checked with my co-worker to make sure that we had no conflict, and emailed my husband that I was good to go later that morning.

I was so thankful for his reminder! I know that I would not have had a problem on Tuesday, but his gentle reminder made sure of that fact. It reminded me of what this whole thing is about, and that is encouragement. I am not much different than most people. I work, try to care for my family and try to honor God. Not necessarily in that order, and with varying degrees of success. Sometimes though I need help. I believe that it is why this whole blog thing started in the first place.

We all need a little encouragement from time to time, and sometimes that just may be a reminder to do, what you know you need to do. Maybe it is time spent with a friend sharing laughter, wisdom and maybe some tears. It could be simple, or maybe even a little difficult, but I would "encourage" you to seek out those opportunities. I am sitting here laughing because even as I write this, I know of someone I need to see. God has put her on my heart for the past couple of days. So I am going to end this, and send her a message now so I do not forget. Hopefully some of the encouragement that I have received in the past few days, I can give to her. If all else fails, I know I can always bring chocolate.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Distractions.....

I have been distracted lately. Or maybe it is a matter of not being focused?

I have chosen to specifically to take my can on Monday to the organization I support. The reason behind choosing a specific day, was the thought that I need to be intentional about this project. There are so many things that distract you during the week, that I felt the need to make this a priority. Well this week showed me just how true that is.

I did not get to Lemoore Christian Aid until Thursday of last week. It was a combination of car trouble, not being prepared, being forgetful and not being intentional. Everything I was afraid of squeezed into one week. So on Wednesday I talked with my husband and vented how frustrated I was with myself. I wanted to do the right thing, but had so much trouble doing it. What was the difference this week? I know some of the things were out of my control, but a little laziness and lack of communication got me into trouble. My car could have been taken care of on Saturday, but instead I put it off till Tuesday, and that cost me a day. Not checking with the ladies in my office about their schedules, cost me another.

It makes me sad that I can be so easily sidetracked from something that is important to me. It also makes me glad that God does not leave me there. So He picks me up, gives me a pop in the noggin and steers me back in the right direction. How long will I last this time? I am not sure, but I hope the distractions will become fewer and the stretches of clarity will finally become how I truly live my life.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

The can lady.....

So after I started this little journey, and began blogging about my "can a week", one of the ladies at my work sent me an instant message and asked the question I knew I could not yet answer. "So, can I give you a can to take?" I knew this would be one of the first questions I would encounter.

When this whole thing started months ago as just a thought in my head, I very easily dreamed of what it could become. What if every household in Lemoore gave a can a week? Or every household in Kings County? I saw visions of shelves packed with cans, so many that even the new food bank could not hold them all. People who needed help would have a source for food, and the agencies that distribute food to the needy would not have to ration it out.

Then I started to think, we could give it a name, and market the whole idea. Why not? We do it with everything else. A can a week....that's all we ask? Then I started picturing the logistics of how this kind of operation would work, and then....I stopped.

Was that what God was asking me to do? Start some kind of organization? Create a movement? Or was it just for me personally to give a can a week? Don't get me wrong, I believe God can do anything He wants with His own ideas. At this point in the journey though, I have no other thought than to give a can a week.

So with that in mind, I answered her to the best of my ability. I told her that I am just doing what I feel God is telling me to do, and if she felt moved to give some cans, I would gladly take them. Who would say no to that! I did tell her though that taking in her cans personally would be encouraging to those who are serving the poor. Who couldn't use some encouragement?

Every week now I get some cans. Sometimes given directly to me, and sometimes anonymously left hanging on my car. Does it bother me that they are giving them to me, instead of taking them to an agency themselves? NO. At this point I am just glad my friends don't think I am crazy. I am blessed that they show love and kindness to a woman who is striving to love God, even if it looks a little different than what they are used to.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

On track again.....

A new week.....another can. It is Tuesday and I already missed the mark I had set for myself. I had decided over the weekend that I would use Monday as my day to drop off my can. Who likes Mondays? What better way to make what is usually a bummer of a day better, than doing a good deed. Well to tell you the truth, I didn't get it done. Yesterday was busy at work, and I just lost track of the time. By the time I decided to head to lunch and go drop off the can, the agency I was going to would be closed. When I realized this, I was frustrated with myself.

Now I realize that one day late, with one can of food, will not put a halt to the good work this agency does. For that I am very thankful! I am not sure what this whole journey is about yet, but part of it for me is learning to be intentional with my actions. It is about having my personal plan to do what I can, and seeing it through. Not doing a half hearted job, or something like that.

I was so frustrated with myself and how easily distracted I was from my simple goal of delivering a can of food. Also, I did not enter any more into my blog in the past few days. Now I don't expect to write something every day, but when I do feel the nudge to share my experience, I should get on it. Shouldn't I?

Well I haven't. I had thought I wanted to share a little more about how this whole thing came about. Then some of the reactions from people who have read the blog, because they have been good. Somehow that got swallowed up in a weekend full of stuff. Some very good stuff, don't get me wrong, but also some really lazy stuff.

So back on track I try to get my little train going. I have my can in the car, along with some extra ones that someone anonymously left for me. Tonight I will sit down to write again, and hopefully stay on track.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Visions of corn danced in their heads....

I think it started with some people that I know who have ministries to the homeless, or as my friend Jeff calls them "friends without homes". He works directly with his friends without homes in the Santa Barbara area. Another is a lady at my church, who makes food and feeds the homeless where they are camping. She is a widow, and just knows how to stretch the food dollar. She is one of those "old fashion" ladies who was taught to garden and cook from scratch for her family. Now that it is just her, she has expanded the word family to those who do not have a home.

Maybe it was he book I read by the president of World Vision? It is his view of how we as Christians may have missed the mark in dealing with those who are without homes, poor and the third world. It is an eye opener. Maybe it was a combination of all of the above, and then some. I really don't know how it started, but I know where it took final shape. I was in the grocery store in the canned food aisle. As I pondered what my part would be, I walked the canned food aisle and the thought struck me, "what would a can a week cost?" It was then I felt God's leading to just do the most simple thing I could, just give a can a week.

So yesterday I dropped off my first can. I want to thank the nice ladies at Lemoore Christian Aid for not thinking me crazy.....or for at least keeping that to themselves. It does not sound like much, but at this moment it is what I am compelled to do. What will happen in the next 39 days of Lent? How will this turn out in the end? All I do know is that at least for one meal, one family will have a can of corn to eat.

Happy Lent!!

"Little steps equal big gains".... It was a phrase that our pastor used in a sermon not too long ago, and then the boys basketball team at my sons school used it as their slogan this season. It came back to me this morning as I sit down to write on this first day of Lent 2011. For the past few years I have taken the time to celebrate Lent. It is not part of my religious background, but I like the idea of sacrificing something in order to bring your focus to God and the death and resurrection of Christ.

While I tend to use the season, I never said that I play by the same rules. I am lucky in this respect because I get to make up my own rules. Or so I thought. Two years ago I was moved to write daily in a blog about what God was doing in my life, or how He was speaking to me. Last year I tried it again, but failed miserably. I may be making up my own rules, but it is God who needs to give me the direction.

So I truthfully was not thinking about Lent, but about something God had been needling me about for a while now. So as I was thinking about how and why to do this thing, it dawned on me that Lent was about to start. I was excited, God had again given me a new opportunity to work it out with Him in a different way.

So today I am starting my journey and inviting anyone else to join along. What is it you ask? You will just have to check back tomorrow and find out, and see if I got it done. I do have a hint for you......"a can a week is all we ask".

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Reboot...

I am sitting here trying to figure out how to move forward. I feel weighed down with the decisions and tasks that I have to do, and it keeps me rooted to the spot. As I try to find a starting point it came to me that what I really need to do is reboot.

It all started with a devotional I read about defragmentation. It is a computer term about how information may be stored in free space that may not be together. When the information is fragmented, the computer gets bogged down. So to speed things up you have to defragment, or basically group the information together. That is how I felt....fragmented.

Then I remembered what my IT guy always says when I am having computer problems, "Did you reboot?". Sometimes that simple step is enough to bring our computer back to the starting point. To get back to the place where it will function normally. That is the place where I am today, trying to reboot. But how do I do that is the question?

When you reboot it is intended to restart the operating system on your computer. The operating system is the set of software that controls the overall operations. So, I am thinking what is my operating system? What is controlling my overall operation? My first thought was that God should be my operating system. Then I figured that if He was running things, I would not be feeling like this.

I think I am getting closer, so I get out the manual and start looking for answers. I have not found it yet, but I know it is there. Maybe finding "the" answer will not be the outcome. Maybe it is just looking for the answer is what will bring me to the place I need to be. I sure hope so, because I have not found my restart button yet.