So as I enter the new year, like many, I was anticipating all the good goals I wanted to attain. 2013 was a pretty good year for our family. Not perfect mind you, but it was a year where I can say there was growth. I can remember driving home on New Years Eve, thinking about all the good things that would happen in the new year, and it was then it hit me. There is as much probability that some bad things will happen, as there is that good will happen. It scared me for a moment, I was afraid I would jinx myself. It was then I knew what I really wanted in the new year, and it was God's presence. I thought, "if I have that, it doesn't matter what happens, good or bad".
So January 1st arrived, and I spent the day putting away Christmas, and bringing some sanity back to my household. It was a nice day where I felt like I had accomplished much and was ready for whatever would come next. Little did I know that by 9:30 that night I would be in the hospital next to my son, who would be drugged up and waiting for surgery to be scheduled. He had a hernia that was causing him extreme pain, and so they were going to address it immediately. Everyone who saw it commented on how large is was, and after a while it became quite the joke. While we were confident in the people helping us, the surgery was still a scary prospect to a 26 year old who had never been to the emergency room in his life. Nothing ever broken, no fever ever too high, not one urgent medical situation in his entire life. Needless to say, we were all a little scared. We are now home after a couple of days in the hospital, where everything went flawlessly. We are so thankful for all the people that took good care of us. From his friend Kevin, to the nursing staff, the surgeon and even the people who came in to take his food order.
At one point during our days in the hospital, my son had some friends come to visit. He was doing well, but I really didn't like leaving him alone for long. Since someone was with him, I decided I could go home and pick up the phone I had forgotten. "Who forgets their phone?" I also was hoping to relax just a bit, in anticipation of getting him home. As I drove down the highway from the hospital to my house, I was able to reflect on my New Year's Eve thoughts. Did I have my New Years eve wish? In that moment I knew for sure that I had. How did I know? You see, I am a crier. I cry at everything, whether it is happy or sad, commercials, puppies, movies, basically anything. If I had lived a past life, I would have been one of those women who would be hired to cry at a funeral. I cry at everything, and as luck would have it, I am not a pretty crier. During the past couple of days though, I did not cry. What is really funny is that I should have. I was in the hospital, my son was in pain, strapped to every machine that they had and I was exhausted. Sleeping in a hospital chair is not conducive to rest, along with the fact that I am getting up there in age and the body cannot take what it used to. I should have had bouts of weeping, but I didn't. I can only remember two times when I teared up for a moment, but that was it, no real tears.
It got me thinking, was that a sign of God's presence, my lack of tears? You see, I make the connection between my tears and God's presence because of what I know about heaven. The bible only gives so much information, but it does say that we will be in God's presence. Very cool! The bible also says that there will be no more tears in heaven. Secretly, that is what I am looking forward to the most. So should I expect that if God is with me I will never cry again? I doubt that, but I do believe that God gave me some reassurance this week. A message for me, in a convoluted way that I would understand. It has been a crazy beginning to a new year, but I am thankful for His presence so far, and I am counting on it to continue into the future.
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